10.01.2010

I am Soooooo Hot For Teacher (Updated)

Hateya & Co., we need to chat for a minute.

I previously mentioned a professor. on whom I'm developing an ever-deepening crush.  And ladies...it's bad.

First off, understand this isn't some much older guy/much younger woman thing.  The professor in question appears to be a youthful, energetic man in his mid to late thirties...ish (I'm not really sure).  I don't want to say too much about him personally, for obvious reasons.

Anywho, the man is brilliant, and when women say that intelligence is a man's most attractive quality, we're seriously not kidding.  So any man who's reading, take some notes.  My professor (yes, I call him my professor) teaches modern grammar, which would normally be boring as hell, but this man can translate ish on cue to compare the different the syntaxes and phonologies of various languages.  He's basically a humanist obsessed with language; he says he likes it "live and running wild" so he can properly study it.  The man knows his sociolinguistic history and last night...he drove me up the wall.

I kid you not, it started with the word "there". Somehow we wound up hearing the history of English itself, of its birth in the Germanic language group, the arrival of tribes from Asia Minor, the fall of Rome, the creation of the Welsh, and the massacres at the hands of the Vikings, which he particularly relished (folks, my professor is morbid as hell sometimes...his example sentences involving killing, slaughtering, getting eaten by lions, etc.).

We then delved into the phonology of Old English, examining the scales and the great vowel shift which occurred between the times of Chaucer and Shakespeare.  Though I sat in rapt attention, all around me my classmates are either yawning or looking clueless.  So Mr. Man - or should I say, Dr. Man - starts writing the opening lines of friggin' "Beowulf" in Old English, fluidly reading that ish it like it's first nature, and then translating it word for word.  I'm telling you...never would I have imagined "Lo we, spear-Danes/in old yore-days people-kings/brave deeds have learned how these thanes/valor framed" could be such an eargasm - I kid you not.

My jaw is still on that classroom floor, waiting for me to pick it back up.  Man's got me reading the damn poem now and thinking of him.

What's hilarious about him, though, is that he's one of those English professors who's so linguistically inclined he's not mathematically inclined at all.  He had a brain fart in class one time, in which he momentarily forgot what the hell the symbol for multiplication was.  It was adorable the way he blankly stared at the chalkboard, asking, "Is it, like...still an X?"

He claims to loathe how hicks talk; like all English professors, he's declared a jihad on the word "y'all." Whenever he says stuff like that though, the classroom roars.  It's hilarious because he himself can't keep a straight face during his rants about people screwing with language.  And whenever there's a lull in class, he'll say something like "all y'all look confused."

Yes...I have it bad - admitted.  So you can lose the "looks".  I'm not denying anything.  I ain't ashamed.  Nerds are hot. *shrug*

If the goddamn weather wasn't getting colder, my skirts would definitely be getting shorter.  I've been told I have nice legs.

*sigh*
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*When he talked about the practice of genocidal apartheid in Australia, not giving a shit about whom he might make uncomfortable, I seriously wanted to kiss him.

**Update**

While studying under this man, I learned a new word which I immediately fell in love with - "desiderative."  In my third book, I wrote a poem entitled "Desiderative", loosely inspired by a story I wanted to write about my professor.

39 comments:

  1. And if you're wondering what the point of this post is...it's that nerds are hot. The time of the over-hyped ignoramus is over.

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  2. It's sad because a lot of women absolutely do not know that geeks and nerds can put it down, too. They're infamous for being meticulous, right? In my experience, they're always willing to LEARN the finer points.

    Use all weapons at your disposal, Ankhesen. He won't be the professor forever. Next semester he can be yours. Go.for.it. Please do go pass "Go!" I would, but then again I was and still am trampy (a definite key to a happy marriage). If you here some "go-go-rah-rah" in the background, that's me cheering/encouraging to use your pheromones. Do you know when yours work best?

    Alas, the Professor and I would have serious personal and professional disagreement over the use of the word "ya'll" though. ;)

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  3. I think it's a front. I think he loves the word "y'all" - he finds any excuse to drop it.

    Hateya, girl...I've got it bad. I don't usually fall for 'em like this.

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  4. There are few things in this world better than the juices flowing wildly. You have remarkable self-restraint. ;) Although I'm not directly involved, it's all so exciting. I love love for myself and for others.

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  5. I think I like your professor, too. And he's into languages? I can't blame you at all for being into him.

    "Alas, the Professor and I would have serious personal and professional disagreement over the use of the word "ya'll" though. ;)"

    I hope that it's a joke because I am such a descriptivist. :P And I make good use of the word y'all, too!

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  6. @Holly

    Hello. I'm from the deep South and when I return home, I turn on the Southern vernacular. Dialects makes the world go round and round. I once, on a whim, went to Fargo, North Dakota. I wish I'd seen that video "American tongues" before I left home. My poor little head was spinning trying to translate from English to English.

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  7. Genius professors are awesome. Reminds me of this British Calculus 4 professor I had that never used notes. He'd bring the textbook in, sit in on the desk and never open it. He taught the entire class from memory. Three times a week for the entire term. Blew my mind. He also wore the same shirt and pants every day. He didn't stink so I just assumed he owned several sets of the same outfit.

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  8. Your professor sounds awesome. I second Hateya; Go for it!

    And nerds are always hot!

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  9. @Hateya:

    "Dialects makes the world go round and round."

    I completely agree. I just love different dialects. :)

    "I once, on a whim, went to Fargo, North Dakota. I wish I'd seen that video "American tongues" before I left home."

    I've seen pieces of that video but I don't think I've ever seen the full version.
    I don't think I've ever heard a Fargo accent. Would that be similar to the "Minesoota" accent?

    @eccentricyoruba:

    "And nerds are always hot!"

    Agreeing with you 100%!

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  10. @Holly
    I've seen pieces of that video but I don't think I've ever seen the full version.
    I don't think I've ever heard a Fargo accent. Would that be similar to the "Minesoota" accent?


    I've seen the full version of the video. Unfortunately, I didn't completely understand it because some of the dialects and/or accents were almost incomprehensible.

    I believe the dialects spoken in ND and MN are a part of the Great Lakes/Upper Midwest dialect.

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  11. @hateya

    and what about people from california? do we talk funny? *^_^*

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  12. @Avastacia

    Maybe you do talk funny. It's impossible for me to know because I'm from the South. Hee hee hee hee haw!!!

    Seriously, speaking a particular dialect is a badge of group membership. It shows we belong. When you think about it, people who speak the same way as you do, use similar words with a similar accent, probably grew up very near you and it's written in our genetic code to protect/assist our relatives first and then others closest to us (friends/neighbors/community). Speaking in dialect can certainly help us exclude others as well.

    When people look down upon or outright dismiss Black vernacular it pisses me off royally.

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  13. When people look down upon or outright dismiss Black vernacular it pisses me off royally.

    Or mislabel it. If I hear a white person confuse Deep South with "urban" one more time....

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  14. Went shopping for class. Having my hair done tomorrow and I have every intention of looking no less than fabulous for my professor. I'm even going to post a picn of the finished product before I head out. *sigh*

    The weeks seem to be getting longer between classes, you know?

    ...told you it's bad.... *sigh*

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  15. Good luck Ankh. Fighting! Can't wait to see that pic.

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  16. I'm also looking forward to the picture and more details about THE HOT PROFESSOR.

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  17. Sigh. We all have to wait another week. It's very upsetting.

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  18. It's too bad. Hang in there. Next week will be here before you know it.

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  19. Hot, sexy and geeky is married, divorced or separated?! Inquiring (nosy) minds would like to know.

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  20. Married but doesn't talk about her (except to say she spends too much time shopping) nor wearing a wedding band (apparently to toy with the likes of Moi).

    And mind you, he dropped the W-bomb just when was I recovering from the D-bomb and thinking, "I can't work with it."

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  21. Hot geeks must be required to announce their martial status early on and wear the band.

    After this revelation, is the hotness voodoo wearing off?

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  22. God, no. Every week I tell myself I'll stop adoring the man and he shows looking even better than I remember.

    We still can't figure out why he won't wear a wedding band...or why he has such a dark imagination. But I'm gettin' the vibe there's trouble in paradise. 'Cause he's gone back to not talking about his woman...and looking fine.

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  23. Btw...he brought up his wife to bitch about how she spends too much time shopping. Then he confesssed he'll drive 3 hrs for a good pair of shoes.

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  24. At some point, I'd probably get annoyed and demote him from "fine" status if he continued jabbering about his wife.

    If I knew of a place three hours away that had great shoes, I'd drive there, too. :D

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  25. I second Hateya as I'd probably get annoyed and demote him as well in that circumstance. It's a pity though, that was such a letdown :(

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  26. Let me clarify: he's only spoken of his wife that one time (last week). It plunged the whole class into shock. Apparently students who had him last year and the year before that didn't know he was married either. Last week was literally the first time he ever mentioned her.

    So now, in the aftermath of that major WTF?, students are trying to figure out why he doesn't wear a wedding band.

    There must be serious trouble in paradise. His example sentences and terms are getting majorly darker; for the first time this semester the students are wondering what the hell is going on.

    When discussing the difference between material processes (walking, running, jumping) and mental processes (duh), my professor talked about how we can't pinpoint the exact beginning or end of our emotions. "Can you divide your hatred into two equal halves, give one half to your girlfriend, and then keep the other to yourself?"

    He also cracked jokes about posing as a grieving husband to cops.

    Tsk, tsk...my professor's inspiring me to write very dark material, and thus acts as an excellent muse, but I wonder if he's about to end up on the 6 o'clocks news, know what I'm sayin'? Either way, I've started talking more in class, which causes him to respond to me directly. And when he does....

    *shivers delightfully*

    There's a dark short story waiting to be written here, ladies.

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  27. Hmmm... he's beginning to sound quite unprofessional and that would certainly turn me off personally; however, as a fake-writer I would probably enjoy his musings on the dark side. He sounds like he'd make an interesting character.

    I am looking forward to more updates.

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  28. I would probably enjoy his musings on the dark side. He sounds like he'd make an interesting character.

    Exactly. Make no mistake: I'm still very much attracted to him, but he's married with a kid and so my "goals" have changed. I think I'll write about him because he would make an exceptional lead character. He's this hot, youthful, energetic nerd with a dark imagination and a very naughty sense of humor. I could do wonders with him on paper.

    As for being unprofessional...I wouldn't say he's actually crossed that line yet. He remains brilliant as ever. And I mean brilliant. Every week I learn something utterly astounding from him. So even when his example sentences or example concepts are noticeably dark, they always still make perfect sense and - I hate to say it - make things easier to remember. Our midterm was take-home and I'm amazed at how quickly I knocked it out.

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  29. You already know what *I* think, Moi! And I'm so glad to know that your "dalliance" with Dr. Sexy isn't over.

    He got a dark side? For real? You bet quit playin'! Dark side + sexy nerd = f*ckable, except he's MARRIED WITH A KID!! Why, Claude?

    Write that dark story, girl! You know how I feel about that kind of inspiration. Go on and do it. It'll make you feel better, and at least you can screw him on paper. Just my $.02.

    And best believe Dr. Sexy knows exactly what he's doing with those foxy little verbal darts. Game recognizes game; like recognizes like. And if you're the only one to catch the darts, well then...EXCEPT HE'S MARRIED WITH A KID!

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  30. Drat!!! Almost got him to talk about sex.

    I think I may have made him a little nervous. That was an awfully long bathroom break he took.

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  31. By the way, I think I turned him on a little with the word "eviscerate".

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  32. Of course you did; you know you're irresistible. But if he's gettin' hot over words like "eviscerate" and he's got dark-ish tendencies, then he really is worth knowing...once he gets rid of wifey and da kid.

    Bathroom break...lol! Did you put your lips into the word "eviscerate?" Did you say it slowly? Because if you did, then it may have looked like something else to him. I do it all the time with "olive."

    Have as much fun as you can with this, Moi! there is a definite dark little student/teacher story here. Need some ideas? I got plenty.

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  33. Bathroom break...lol! Did you put your lips into the word "eviscerate?"

    LOL...He was analyzing sentences which began with "He made...". He wanted us to know how and why "He made" is not the same in every sentence; sometimes "making" strictly a mental or verbal process, though it can seem like actual action. I noticed that - by his thinking - to say, "He made love to his girlfriend" seemed grammatically incorrect.

    Of course, I hesitated until there was a break in the class before I drew him aside to ask. He kept a fairly neutral face, but fumbled a bit, kind of nervous, while explaining that no...it was grammatically correct. He kept promising to analyze it further, saying that was advanced level of grammar. Then he excused himself and came back loooooong after everyone else did - something he never does.

    "Eviscerate" came at the beginning of the class. It made his whole face light up. When one of the Japanese students looked at him blankly, he said, "Do you know the word 'eviscerate'? It's a very nice word - you should look it up some time."

    And yes...I'm open to ideas for writing this.

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  34. And when came back from his break, he analyzed "similar" sentences to explain the grammatically of "He made love to his girlfriend", and for every sentence began he looked directly at me. He never put up my original sentence ('cause he's a tease, and thinks he's slick), he just gave me looks to let me know the grammatical structure in all those sentences were the same.

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  35. sounds like he gets the creative juices flowing 0_O

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  36. As it is my lot in life to focus on the irrelevant, I'll begin here by saying that it's weird that a Japanese student does not know "Eviscerate." It's on the Ministry of Education's "list."

    On to the relevant: It's fantastic that The Professor continues to inspire despite the limitations. I look forward to reading about the character he is modeling in your mind. ;)

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  37. @ Hateya

    Nice to see you!

    Been bouncing ideas off Amaya. *nods* It's demented.

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  38. @Ankhesen

    I'm around. Just trying to live and write those 50,000 words. I'm also signing up for the script-writing contest in April (my busiest month of the year).

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  39. As it is my lot in life to focus on the irrelevant, I'll begin here by saying that it's weird that a Japanese student does not know "Eviscerate." It's on the Ministry of Education's "list."

    Btw, this was funny as hell.

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