1.26.2011

A Blasian Party

Written by Emmeaki and cross-posted from Racialicious:
I’m a black woman who has always been attracted to Asian men. Perhaps it started with all those Hong Kong action movies that I used to watch with my mom as a teenager. After all, movie stars are often our first crushes – it made sense that it would make some impact on who I found attractive.  But growing up in a segregated city in the Midwest, there weren’t many Asians around. In four years of high school, there were only three Asian kids, including a cute Chinese boy that I was hot for in tenth grade, who transferred to another school just as we were becoming friends.

So, recently when a friend of mine invited me to an event he was hosting at his house for black women and Asian men, I was all for it. My friend (a Vietnamese man who likes black women) had been listening to my boyfriend drama for the last few months and he thought this would pull me out of my funk. Boy was he right!

I had actually had been wanting to meet more Asian guys anyway. As an adult, I’ve dated a few Asian guys, but in general, I haven’t met as many as say, black or Latino guys. At first I wondered if it was too contrived to specifically try to meet Asian guys, but then I thought, “Hey, if you want Mexican food, then you go to a Mexican restaurant,” so to speak. And at least at an event for black women and Asian men, I wouldn’t have to worry about the guys not liking black girls!

When I arrived, I was pleased to see that all the guys were pretty attractive. I was also relieved that there were equal numbers of females, so we wouldn’t have to fight over all the hotties! I was nervous at first, but no sooner than I had grabbed a beer, a nice Taiwanese man who happened to be standing near me began chatting with me. We talked about everything from old school Hip Hop to outdoor sports and as the night went on, I ended up meeting a banker, a DJ, and a filmmaker, among others, all of whom were equally cool and interesting. The women were cool too. They were all educated and eclectic and it was nice to have real conversations with no cattiness involved. In this intimate setting, we were free to be ourselves with no stares and judgments from outsiders, And no one, black or Asian, felt the need to fit any stereotypes.

Everyone was asked to bring something to the event and most people brought alcohol, so by the end of the night, we started becoming even friendlier with one another. People began to pair off and some couples started making out. At this point, I was quite tipsy and I started dancing and the next thing I knew, a cute Chinese guy that I had recently met, got behind me and started dancing with me.

More couples joined in and soon, my new dance partner and I found ourselves in a four-way grind on the dance floor! Grinding eventually led to making out and I spent the rest of the night kissing and talking with my new friend. He even ended up driving me home at the end of the night.

The event was definitely a success and even though we all came together to meet males/females of a certain race, at the end of the night, we were just guys and girls having fun and getting lucky. And the funny thing is that no one even spoke of race the whole night. Race was the hors d’ouvre, but it wasn’t the main course.

I am now certain that race-based dating is ok as long as race isn’t the thing bringing a couple together. There has to be more substance because focusing on race alone is nothing but a fetish. You also can’t expect a person of another race to fit some kind of stereotype. If a guy of another race expects me to be like some “around the way girl” that he saw in a music video, then that’s not me. But, if he wants a black girl who studies several languages, likes to write, and loves 80’s New Wave music, then he can come on over! I don’t expect Asian guys to be mild-mannered or mystical in any way. I just expect them to be honest and straight-forward like I would with any other guy.

Now, as far as looks are concerned, we all have some type of preference and it’s not a crime to find people of a certain race attractive. If a guy of another race finds my brown skin, curly hair, and the shape of my ass a turn on, that’s great, especially when it seems that not many people out there are breaking their necks to praise black women for their beauty. As long as I’m not some interchangeable black girl to him and he likes me for me on top of my looks, then it’s cool.

And yes, I’m attracted to the way Asian guys look, but I’m not going to date any random Asian dude just because he’s Asian. I also don’t want to date ONLY Asian guys because my lust is equal opportunity! I just want to keep my options open and I hope to find Mr. Right, no matter what race he may be.

Well, there was no more boyfriend drama after the event because I moved on. After a few months, I’m still going out with the guy who drove me home that night and if anyone asks how we met, I just say “I met him at a party” not, “I met him at a party for black women and Asian men”. When we are together, we are just us, a girl and a guy dating and having a good time, regardless of the way we got together.

24 comments:

  1. I've often wondered about parties like these. I wonder how one even goes about organizing that type of shit.

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  2. If you figure it out, we can roll to the next one. With the fishnets this time...

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  3. @ Ankhesen Mié

    "I wonder how one even goes about organizing that type of shit."

    My guess--they invited very close friends whose dating habits they already knew.

    Otherwise, there would be the awkwardness of saying, "Ok, only bring your Asian friends... oh, and they have to be okay with dating black women."
    ...Actually, now that I've phrased that, I can imagine Patti Stanger possibly getting away with that.

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  4. @ Ankhesen Mie

    When she said Vietnamese I immediately thought of the head of BWAMU(Black Women Asian Men United). They have a lot of parties like this. I don't live even close to the DC area so everytime I get an invite I die a little inside since I can't go.

    I'm talking Pot Lucks, Masquerades. Damn you Florida!!! :-(

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  5. If you figure it out, we can roll to the next one. With the fishnets this time...

    Thank God I wasn't drinking when I read that. My monitor would have been toast.

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  6. I loved this post. Very well written!

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  7. BWAMU has parties in the DC area? I'm so there.

    I saw the post on Racialicous. Kinda surprised some people saw it negatively. I like the example someone gave about going to a party for Gay people and not having to worry about approaching the wrong person.

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  8. I love this, it's so possitive :3 I've been feeling kinda hopeless these days cause there are plenty of Asian guys at me college but most of then seem either focused else where, have a difficult language barrier, or are always walking with a guy (nO matter bf or friend)

    But Monday I was VERY shocked to find the one Asian guy in my new black history class who is actually fresh off the noat 3 yrs Japanese who said he cane to the class because he was interested in African Americans and their culture. I talked to him after class and we walked to the library together, he asked for my number because I said I'd help him with eng and he would help me with Japanese and also introduce me to his Japanese friends.


    Things seem to be looking positive these days for most of us :)

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  9. Walking with a girl*
    Fresh off the boat*

    Stupid itouch

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  10. @ midnightskies

    Patti Stanger?

    @ MG

    Kinda surprised some people saw it negatively.

    Oh, yes...there's something about a black women being sexually and romantically satisfied which tends to unleash the ire in some people. I wonder why that is. Is is because she's supposed to be lonely and miserable and self-hating? Or is it because the man who's doing the satisfying is neither black nor white?

    I like the example someone gave about going to a party for Gay people and not having to worry about approaching the wrong person.

    I too think it's brilliant.

    @ Kenji

    Niiiiiiiiiice. If you two go on a details, the Narrative calls dibs on details. Contact Moi and I'll put up a guest post.

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  11. @ Amaya

    With the fishnets this time...

    Wouldn't that itch during a four-way grind?

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  12. I wish they had a parties like this in my area. :(

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  13. I'd never heard of having a party like that until now. Sounds like a sweet house party (without all the loud nonsense and dumbassness haha.)

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  14. I went on the original post just to see who disagreed with this article and why. I've been even slower on the uptake lately thanks to a week-long massive headache, but I'm not quite understanding their issues against this. I was hoping they would have explained themselves further (and saved me the trouble of trying to figure them out with a head that's on fire >.<), but that hasn't happened yet.

    Either way, I live far too far away from these parties. XD

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  15. @ leoprincess

    but I'm not quite understanding their issues against this.

    Because it was a party where non-black women needed not apply. "Some folks" don't handle that type of situation very well; in their minds, that scenario isn't even supposed to exist. And I think this post simply caught "other folks" off-guard. If you think about it, embedded in the prose sweet prose and smooth writing is a large, coded FUCK Y'ALL.

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  16. @ Ankh

    Ahh, I see. Hmm. Though I should have picked up on it with that one comment about 'how other people might feel' or something like that.

    Oh well!

    Back to nursing my headache and editing papers I go.

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  17. 1. they are accusing her of having a fetish even though she clearly states that she was open to dating Asian men yet did not date them exclusively and did not treat Asian men as if they were interchangeable
    2. they felt the need to bring up white people and black men, even though the writer said nothing at all about them

    Clearly if someone is open to dating Black women or Asian men something must be wrong with them /sarcasm

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  18. "Some folks" don't handle that type of situation very well; in their minds, that scenario isn't even supposed to exist. And I think this post simply caught "other folks" off-guard.

    they can't put their figure on why they think its wrong just a vague sense of THIS SHOULD NOT BE hence the lack of explanation in their comments

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  19. "Clearly if someone is open to dating Black women or Asian men something must be wrong with them /sarcasm "

    It's now crystal clear that my naivete was in full force when I read those comments and wrote mine - that, and my headache is now gone (whoohoo!). I was actually sitting here earlier and thinking, "This has nothing to do with them, so why do they care?". Silly me. XD

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  20. DC area meet up? What's the info? I'm down.

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  21. @ Anonymous

    Leave a name, please. And thanks for stopping by.

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  22. I thought of BWAMU, too. I would just caution women that go to these parties to go with friends and don't drink too much. I may sound like a mother hen, but I have had good and bad experiences at house parties. Don't throw caution to the wind. I'm just sayin'.

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  23. @ D.E. Love - That's sound advice for any party-type gathering. :)

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  24. Everyone was asked to bring something to the event and most people brought alcohol, so by the end of the night, we started becoming even friendlier with one another.

    Heheheheheheheheh...good advice indeed.

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