1.13.2011

**REDO ** BW/AM from a Korean Male perspective (PCRG)

Let's try this again.

+UPDATE+

I think I should add he is not some guy who was sheltered in Korea the whole time. He has been back and forth to the states and has studied in other countries. He has seen interracial couples and thinks its normal. So he doesn't understand the problem. If you are attracted to someone you are attracted to them, race is nothing.+

If you read my blog, you know who PCRG is.

This is very brief but I asked a couple of questions and he answered me this way.

What do you think of interracial dating, such as BW/AM?

What's race have to do with anything? Why does it matter? I don't like racist people. Everyone should get along, we are all the same.

Would you date someone of a different race?

I have. Race does not matter as long as I am attracted to them.

Would you date a black woman?

Yes, as long as I am attracted.
(He said it in the Korean way. He may have meant: Yes, as long as the person attracts them as in good person and all that. What keeps us with the person we are with. Like personality and stuff. )

He is to the point.

Now extra information:

He is Korean and he gave me a straight honest answer. If he had a problem with it he would have said so. That is the reason I like it here so much. The people give straight answers with no or little BS. Plus, he is only 26 (I forget if that is Korean age (add a year) or his actual age) and probably never thought about it. I asked him multiple times (at different times) and he gave me the same answer.

Female. Attractive. Go for it!

He gave the same answer (which made me laugh) I did when I was asked by a Korean coworker (female) if I would date an Asian Man. She asked if I would marry one too.

She told me now it is not so strange to see Asian and Black together or AM/BW together like it would have been 10 years ago.

Male. Attractive. Single. Go for it!

I will keep going for it till I see him as a friend or more as I get to know him. Or until he shows me he is a total and complete dumba** like my last date in America. Then I drop him all together, most likely.

Have to get to know the person a little before you decide you want to go out with them.

He also added if they have a good personality.
I don't see him again till Tuesday when I go back to Seoul for him to show me around more.

He and I didn't get stared down like I read on other sites and all that. Some people looked at us but I think it was mainly because we were having our conversations totally in English. They look for a sec and went on their way.I asked him about it and he said it was because we are speaking totally in English, probably. Then went on to the next subject.

Another thing is Korean maturity levels are totally different from American ones. Here they stay with theri parents until they get married as well we get out as soon as possible. (I was gone at 17.) They don't have the chance to mature like we do because the family takes care of them and money stuff while they go to school or work -- IF they work and not getting money from the parents. That is why when I say I send my money home, my Korean friends and coworkers are surprised and call me a good daughter. They say this because they have people who still live with their parents who pay for everything at the house and go buy 3 million won purses (Over $3000 in US money - that is 7 months rent where my Mom lives and then some). To wear for one day or every few months. I should of took a picture.

I told Ankh that he is 26 (I forget if that is American age or Korean Age) and I get the little brother feeling from him. I mean much younger brother like 19, 20, MAYBE 21 (the age of my younger brother). The longer I know him, the more I will most likely think of him as a little brother from another mother. Since we just met I am not at that stage yet. To explain this better I will use teacher experience and what we have to deal with with the students. I teach elementary so I don't really notice too often the way they act younger than they are. But the middle school kids, I talk to my co workers that work at other schools, they act like elementary and high school acts like middle school age for most of it, University I hear is ok. Here they study study study so much that they don't get the chance to be kids. I can be walking back from the subway around midnight or so and see my students coming back from some camp or lesson. They are smart kids but their maturity level is low. Even in some of the older people, I hear, but it depends on their situation and what they had to go thru growing up. As in, a situation that happened that forced them to mature faster. My experiences I had growing up had forced me to mature differently then other people my age and the way I think is different from most others.

So when you guys ask me to ask him harder question as in what attracts him to black women and all that, I honestly don't think he will know how to answer me because he, most likely, has not even thought about it.

He just go with gut feeling ( Hot or Not) and acts and as he gets to know the person he will decide to take it further or not. Heck, I am 28 and I still don't know fully what attracts me to certain people or what attracts them to me. I just go with whatever gut feeling I have and if it is good and stays good we will work from there. If it is bad from the get go, stay the hell away from me. My face is very expressive, so it will show what I am feeling. It's one of the reasons I am straight and to the point, I suck at lying if you are looking at me also it just crap I need to remember for later.
I know what ideal man I want, but your heart wants what your heart wants.

I remember Hateya writing way back that she was thinking her future hubby was too skinny and some other stuff and when she looked in his eyes she saw something there that attracted her. Sorry, I am doing this by memory. I still haven't slept yet really. Mama Nurse called (that is a different post.)

I'm not making blanket generalizations. I had actually planned on asking multiple men of various ages as I stayed here and got to know more people and learned the language more. I was going to ask Sexy and the Men. I am rethinking of sharing that when he does answer because of the way some people are posting. He may see it the wrong way especially if I am not there to explain to him.

What is with this older stuff anyway? I don't think you guys are that much older than me. I will be 29 and technically by Korean age they consider me 30 (they go by each year you live. Ex. when you are born you are 1).

I will post more of these as I get them... Maybe. Hopefully from various ages.

Again, sorry if incoherent. Tell me if I am missing any other information. Ankh is their any information I wrote in the email missing from here that may clear things up?


Hateya - thanks for clearing up how to say your name. I was all wrong most of the time.

20 comments:

  1. "What's race have to do with anything? Why does it matter? I don't like racist people. Everyone should get along, we are all the same." I totally agree with this. Before a person is black or korean they are human.

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  2. On the surface I agree with this statement, but I have heard this, time and time again, from people who say that they are open to any group of people, but just so happen not to find women of African descent attractive. Most likely because they have eurocentric ideals of beauty defaulted as their standard. Ideals that many of us do not meet, either by choice (not choosing to straighten our hair) or by nature. It's one of those answers that sounds good, but leaves room for error, I think.

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  3. @ Injigo-ko

    You tapped into what was bothering me about that (and I'm keeping in mind that DN did indicate this guy is young). For me, his statement hints at the whole "colorblind" thinking which bugs the ever-loving shit out of me.

    ~ "Would you date a black woman?"

    ~ Yes, as long as I am attracted.


    This raised my eyebrow as well.

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  4. @Ankh

    I typed his exact words. English is not his first language and he hadn't spoke in 5 years. I think he said it in the Korean way. He may have meant: Yes, as long as the person attracts them as in good person and all that. What keeps us with the person we are with. Like personality and stuff.

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  5. @ Ankhesen Mié

    Didn't know that the answer "Yes, as long as I am attracted." was so .......... ~sigh~. I say that all the time, as long as I am attracted to a guy I could careless if he is Trinidadian,American, Hispanic, or whatever. You might be over thinking it too much. I'm also really young and I do think it affects how I answer things (a little unrealistic at times). But I can't lie I'm guilty of be attracted to ethnic looking guys or more simply not a white guys. Is that wrong?

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  6. I interpreted the "as long as I am attracted" the same way DN did. Why would you date someone you aren't attracted to?

    Actually, I just thought about it, and now I understand it wasn't exactly his words that made you raise an eyebrow, but the possibly his timing and his need to say that instead of just a "yes."

    Hm...still I think he meant how DN interpreted it.

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  7. I interpreted it differently. And before people start getting defensive, ASK for clarification in case you don't understand what I mean.

    I'm older than most of you and so I tend to be a bit more cynical and wary of word choice. Their fluency in a language is irrelevant to me because I focus on priority, not terminology.

    Whenever a non-black man (and sometimes even a black man) is asked if he would date a black woman, the word "attract" or some variation thereof always seems to pop up. This doesn't happen so often when non-black women are involved. Usually, their answer is shortened to "Sure" or "Of course".

    Whenever a man brings up the attract/attractive factor concerning black women, don't interpret his meaning. Just ask him to elaborate. Get that clarification before proceeding.

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  8. @ DN

    I'd be intrigued to read his elaboration.

    @ Girl in Question

    You see where I'm coming from. Remember what Bcbgrl33 posted in her "Seoul Searching" series. Koreans are drowning in imagery which panders to the white aesthetic. In many ways they are as conditioned as POC living in the West.

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  9. @Ankhesen and Injigo-ko

    Since I'm older, I know why you're skeptical regarding the answers. Personally, I feel the questions themselves prompt decent people to answer in the affirmative.

    @DN

    When seeking the truth, you need to ask HARDER questions. Saying a guy would date and/or sex up a Black woman isn't proof of anything because there's no commitment involved. It's especially tough when you're asking hypothetically. By making the questions harder, you'll begin the process of ascertaining whether or not the man in question has the strength of character and the maturity to stand up in the face of potentially family-severing opposition, either from his side, hers or both. How far would he go to defend his love for a Black woman? Let's not pretend it's the same as being with a "white" or Asian woman. Find out from HIM what potential problems he expects to encounter if he makes this decision. How much is he willing to give up in a variety of scenarios? DN, I'm not trying to make you look or feel bad, but in reality I can walk outside my door and ask 500 Asian men in their 20s and 30s your question and potentially get a 97% plus affirmative rate because a majority of them wouldn't want to be deliberately rude and insult me personally. Or they might truly believe the answers because the questions you posed wouldn't truly require them to dig deeper.

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  10. @Hateya (<-- How do you say this? I've been wondering for awhile.)

    I think the reason I don't press about that answer from him is because I am totally not interested in him in that way and it is mutual. We are just friends. I totally get the "little brother" feeling from him. I think as time moves on and the longer I stay here, I will think of him as another little brother from another mother. Plus, he just got out the military recently and he probably isn't even thinking that far ahead yet, despite his culture. He is more focused on learning.

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  11. @ Hateya

    You nailed it.

    There was time when a guy could openly state that he would NEVER touch a black woman, and he could get away with it a lot more easily than he could now. So when a guy says "sure, why not?", black women tend to take it as a sign of progress without checking to make sure they know what they're dealing with.

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  12. I'm too much of a skeptic to believe something like that right off without having more data from him to process. In this case, as in most, perspective is everything.

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  13. This could be my tired mind taking this the wrong way (It's 530 am and I can't sleep). If I am wrong I will apologize later.

    Some of ya'll seem to be a bit too nit picky. He is Korean and he gave me a straight honest answer. If he had a problem with it he would have said so. That is the reason I like it here so much. The people give straight answers with no or little BS. Plus, he is only 26 (I forget if that is Korean age (add a year) or his actual age) and probably never thought about it. I also like the food and eye candy. Man, the eye candy. I asked him multiple times (at different times) and he gave me the same answer.

    Female. Attractive. Go for it!

    He gave the same answer (which made me laugh) I did when I was asked by a Korean coworker (female) if I would date an Asian Man. She asked if I would marry one too.

    She told me now it is not so strange to see Asian and Black together or AM/BW together like it would have been 10 years ago.

    Male. Attractive. Go for it!
    I will keep going for it till I see him as a friend or more as I get to know him. Or until he shows me he is a total and complete dumba** like my last date in America. Then I drop him all together, most likely.

    Have to get to know the person a little before you decide you want to go out with them.

    He also added if they have a good personality.
    I don't see him again till Tuesday when I go back to Seoul for him to show me around more.

    He and I didn't get stared down like I read on other sites and all that. Some people looked at us but I think it was mainly because we were having our conversations totally in English. They look for a sec and went on their way.I asked him about it and he said it was because we are speaking totally in English, probably. Then went on to the next subject.

    Sorry if this is incoherent, I am very tired but had to say it before I forgot everything.

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  14. @ DN

    This actually makes sense, but we need that extra info the first time around. Because the post looks like a brief, quick convo where nothing was explained or explored. That tends to send warning signs to us older folks, you feel me?

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  15. @DN

    My name is pronounced Hah-Teh-Yah. It's a fairly generic Native American name that means "footprint in the sand."

    I don't press about that answer from him is because I am totally not interested in him in that way and it is mutual.

    DN, I understand your perspective in this matter; however, please try to see through the eyes of some of us "older folks." In order for this site and this movement to survive, we need to deal in specifics and if I had a male friend who was a little brother from another mother, I'd feel comfortable talking to him about the goals of the Blasian Narrative or the Blasian movement in general.

    Very few Black women have opportunities to even speak with Asian men and if you're fortunate enough to sit down and talk to one candidly, dig a little deeper please. Ask more detailed questions about that individual male's overall perception of Black women. THAT would be helpful for us here.

    "Yes, as long as I'm attractive." What attracts him to a woman? What aspect of her personality would floor him? Has he ever seen those traits in ONE specific Black woman? Did he pursue a relationship with her and if so, what was the result?

    I'm not asking you to FORCE him to commit to a Black woman. I merely want more information and if that's being nit-picky then I'm guilty. Guilty. Guilty.

    The people give straight answers with no or little BS.

    That is my exact perception of the Black people in my life.

    Anyway, my husband had specific requirements for a potential mate and it just so happened the woman possessing those traits turned out to be Black. Since we NEVER dated, Mr. Brain declared his intentions to marry me on the very same day he decided that he was in love. Having only had association with me four months (we saw each other two to three times per month), apparently he'd learned enough. He learned that I would never be a Japanophile and up until that point I'd considered most men to be living breathing vibrators. Yet, there he was pouring out his heart. Needless to say, love of self, a strong sense of pride, fierce independence, reasonable intellect, bravery, insatiable curiosity, and a stubborn personality were traits he found attractive in a woman.

    In the end, DN, I'm not asking you to make a blanket generalization about ALL Korean men, but it would be nice to know how the ONE you introduced to us truly feels about potentially dating a Black woman. if you're uncomfortable asking the questions for yourself, attribute them to us here at the Blasian Narrative.

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  16. @DN

    remember Hateya writing way back that she was thinking her future hubby was too skinny and some other stuff and when she looked in his eyes she saw something there that attracted her.

    Oh, I'm very sure I said something similar to this, so please don't worry about exact quotes. In addition to being extremely skinny, he was wearing large black-rimmed glasses and tight jeans. He reminded me of an animated character. And yes, I was deeply attracted to the intelligence and everything else I read in his beautiful eyes.

    About my name. No worries on that front either. A nasty girl on a Trek site pointed out that my name sounded like Hate + ya (i.e. hate you) I.did.not.even.realize.it.

    Thank you clearing up our understanding of your relationship with your friend and your understanding of that society. One of these days, we'll have to meet in person because I really need you to know that when I'm like that, I'm not attacking you personally.

    It's after 12:30 a.m. and I have work in the morning (no Sunday rest for this weary girl), so I'm off. Goodnight. Good morning. Good afternoon.

    @Tracy

    If you're out there, I haven't forgotten about you. Nope. Not me.

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  17. A nasty girl on a Trek site pointed out that my name sounded like Hate + ya

    That's what people've told me as well. I always thought it was Ha-tey-yah - just like you said. Though I didn't know it was Native American; as "Hateya Habiba" I thought it was inspired by an Arabic name.

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  18. @Hateya

    Sure. I have to go to Japan for a visa run, most likely, in a few months.

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  19. @DN

    I should be here most of the time. I only intend to make a stateside run in September. I hope you can come up here to WINTER island. ;)

    @Ankhesen

    The name-pronunciation debate proves that linguistic imperialism is alive and well. By the way, Habiba isn't my name. It's the name of my sworn enemy. I pray that one day she'll google Habiba and find it linked directly to mine. ;) It's petty... I know...

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