4.20.2011

Concerning BW/AM: Debunking Myths about Black Women

Robinne Lee
Eddie, a follower on Facebook, recently posted a wonderful debut article by Jo Gan (Life Behind the Wall blog) in which she discusses possible reasons for why she sees so few BW/AM couples in China.
There are many reasons for this rarity in China. One comes from media stereotypes that portray black women as difficult to control, oversexed, much larger in size and not attractive due to skin colour and body shape. In return, Chinese men are portrayed as weak, shy men that would not be able satisfy a black woman sexually. In addition to the media stereotypes, there is the traditional thinking and underlying prejudices that still exist in China regarding race mixing and the notion that a Chinese man’s reputation and family must look good and be protected. Dating or marrying a black woman would not look good in front of others and cause negative attention towards his family. However, marrying or dating a white woman seems to raise their status among their peers and is even celebrated by many.
Kelis
There were a variety of replies, of course, but here's one which stuck out to me:
...And how is it the fault of the media that Chinese (and many other Asian and non-Asian) guys just don't find dark skin attractive? I mean specifically, what show have you seen that says "Oh yeah, by the way, dark skin is not attractive...just so you know." I mean if I just happen to not be attracted to e.g., blondes, no one really cares. But clearly, if someone just happens to not be attracted to dark skin, then something foul must be afoot.

...You're presentation of this issue seems to veer toward dangerous territory. It's somewhat wrong-headed to suggest that a mathematical happenstance (there are lots of single Chinese men AND lots of single Black women...it's a match made in arithmetical heaven) should bear any consideration in this issue. It almost sounds like your saying, "Well, since there is no one else around, I guess we're just stuck with each other." I certainly hope you're not suggesting that these singles should just "settle for each other."
Aside for the obvious annoying problem of yet another loudmouth naysayer being simply unable to just click to another screen and go on about their business on some other site, once again, the myth of black female/Asian male undesirability (among others) rears its irritating head.

I cannot speak for Asian men on this, so I'm keeping this post strictly about black women.  But any Asian man who wants to write a guest post can feel free.

Toni Braxton
Myth #1 ~ Black Women are Undesirable

I've been all over this topic on my blog, so I'm not going to go into depth here. Instead, I'm going to quote a comment from the article, a reply to the one above:
The media is full of propaganda that perpetuates negative stereotypes about Blacks, particularly Black women, whereas the media depicts white women as beautiful, desirable, etc. Of course the media is not going to outright say, "White women are better," but it is implied when all the Black women you see represent a white ideal of beauty and when the standard of beauty is pale skin, blue eyes, blonde hair. You see various sources talk about Chinese people's fixation on White people, yet you find it inconceivable that they may have a dislike for dark skin due to this? Media has influence. In fact, some say it has the most powerful influence in the world. For people who see very few Blacks, it is expectable that they would buy into the media depictions of Blacks.

And the problem is not that they don't prefer dark skin, the problem is their bias and disdain for it.
Tichina Arnold
I couldn't have said it better myself.

There's nothing more annoying than when people dismiss the effects of media, or shy away from the topic of conditioning.  Ironically, people don't do this because they fear being branded a racist or a sexist, or what have you; it's just humans don't like the idea of being controlled at the mental level.  Because the mind is supposed to be our final and most private sanctum, the last thing we want to hear is that we've made major decisions like whom we date/marry, what car we buy, or what city we move to simply because something we saw all the time on TV, in film, or in magazines.  We don't want to think that deep within the safe recesses of our own minds, someone else is pulling strings, telling us what to think, and thus controlling our behavior.  It's a downright horrifying thought, and so the denial and avoidance of the issue is quite understandable.

But not forgivable.

Erika Alexander
Myth #2 ~ Black Women are Single Because of Their Undesirability

This myth actually cracks me up.  For one, this is a notion strongly pushed by the media, and two, I find it hilarious that people rush to believe that all those weepy, whiny, desperate black women who gush about their romantic failure over the net represent ALL black women.  They don't, just like everyone else's online losers aren't representative of them.

Black women in America are single because we're extremely choosy.  The average black woman in America gets hit on, all the time, by all sorts of men.  And it's not simply because we're black, but because we're women - fundamental law of nature, ladies and gents.  So we can go ahead and just dismiss that myth with a quickness.  Black women are approached all the time and reject men all the time, hence the uppity/cold/standoffish stereotype.

The reason for all this rejection is that we find most of these men seriously unhealthy unsuitable for us.  If they're not black, they're often ignorant about black women and have all manner of incorrect assumptions, thus most of the time, men here approach us incorrectly (even the well-meaning ones).  For that reason, among several others, black women tend to be highly selective in America.

Gina Ravera
Now, I'm not saying our choosiness is a virtue, but rather a side effect of what we experience in this country.  As black women continue to earn advanced degrees and climb the corporate ladder (in the face of all sorts of unnecessary obstacles, mind you), we demand not only job security, but emotional security.  We want high-quality men on our level, and we want them to treat us well - end of story.  Other people may rush to forget their history and the suffering endured by their ancestors, but black women in America refuse to.  There was a time in this country when people profited from our bodies for free, not to mention how our ancestresses were violated.  Well, no more.  If you're going to be in a black woman's house, heart, and bed, you have to deserve to be there.  In other words, you have to prove yourself to her, and this is an upsetting notion to many men, black men included.

Part of the upset is due to racism, but much of it is also due to sexism as well.  We demand that the men we date/marry must fully respect us in addition to desiring us; thus, if we sense a man approaching us because he feels he can't get any other kind of woman, he's going to be rejected.  And men - regardless of color - are still having trouble learning to appropriately deal with 21st Century women, as we no longer need them to provide for us, don't have to marry them, don't have to bear their children, and can comfortably engage in casual sex (contrary to popular male myth).

Danielle Nicolet
See, an educated, gainfully employed black woman in America is a catch and she knows it.  The man who wins her heart is by no means "settling"; if anything, he's most likely upgraded and found himself a jewel of immeasurable value.  He doesn't have to worry about what he's got; he just needs to worry about whether or not he's worthy enough to have it.

And this is what I think is the ultimate "intimidation" factor with us; black women have very high standards in terms of how we want men to treat us.  Unlike with other women, we're not as obsessed with men's money; we prefer to have our own to begin with.  But how men talk to us, how they see us, whether or not they're loyal - these issues are our number one priority.

Myth #3 ~ Black Women Should Take Steps to Prove the Stereotypes are Wrong

Um...no.  This is the only part of Jo Gan's article that I really disagree with. Black women don't need to prove a damn thing to anybody but ourselves; any man who rolls over and automatically believes negative stereotypes about us is not worth having.  We're not the ones who enslaved and colonized the world and caused the bulk of the problems it's experiencing today.  We didn't do anything to anybody.

Julia Pace Mitchell
And let's not forget the reason those stereotypes exist in the first place is due to white Western media.  It's white people who told the world that we're all illiterate, morbidly obese loudmouths with brillo pad hair.

And before people rush to blame hip hop and its objectification of women, remember that commercial hip hop is not "real" hip hop, and that its "artists" are chosen and funded by the white PTB who want the world to always see black people as violent, ill-mannered thugs and whores in music.  They're not sending Asheru out on a world tour to rap poetically about philosophy, history, theology, and the importance of fatherhood.  They're sending out a drugged-up Lil Wayne to do that whining thing he does about getting licked "like a lollipop" by some gold-digging whore.

So black women don't need to prove a goddamn thing.  White media simply puts us on the defensive - as it does with all people of color - so as to distract us from the fact that white people need to be proving themselves to everyone else.  They have not earned the red carpet welcome, especially in countries of color.  Ergo, marriage to them shouldn't be seen as an elevation of any sort.  If anything, one might want to pause for a moment and raise their eyebrow at a couple of unfortunate facts: their genes are recessive and their heritage is rife with bad karma.

Moving on....

Freema Agyeman
In case anyone's wondering why white media's essentially declared a jihad on black women, it's because out of all the POC in the West - even the Native Americans - we are the ones who most consistently call white people out on stuff like this.  While others are more likely to roll over and worship white people simply because of their skintone, black women as a group have consistently demanded, "What is it you do?  With your history of mindless, unparalleled destruction, what makes you think you automatically deserve my love, my trust, and my respect?  Through your own blood, sweat, tears, and breaking back, what you have accomplished?  Other than your pale skin, what do you contribute to a marriage, or a friendship?  What great purpose do you serve?"

Now, as with my last post, I'm going to end this with the words of an Asian man; this time, it's one who also had a few things to say on Jo Gan's article:
I'd just like to say (as a Taiwanese guy) that I definitely DON'T buy into that archaic backward mentality that some Chinese men have with regards to protecting their reputation (linked to family honour) and hence not getting involved in [BW/AM] relationships. If anything, I loath being associated with people who hold such ideals of racial hierarchy. The obsession with status and the fear of being 'lowered' is such a wimpy trait, if only some men would just think on their own accord (it's the product of a collectivist society unfortunately). I learnt to wrest myself away from that influence a while ago and am glad to do so, people can judge me all they want, I could care less.
Suggested Reading

"The Black Women I Know", from What Tami Said

49 comments:

  1. "Black women don't need to prove a damn thing to anybody but ourselves"

    Say it louder please, Ankh. Some people still act as if we have to answer to our refusal to follow some stereotypical script. Being me is hard enough without having to prove myself to some stranger yahoo.

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  2. The obsession with status and the fear of being 'lowered' is such a wimpy trait

    Exactly. This is the mentality of a housebroken POC. It's slave-thinking, ironically amongst those who would prefer to avoid anyone "tainted" by slavery.

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  3. While others are more likely to roll over and elevated white people simply because of their skintone, black women as a group have consistently demanded, "What is it you do? With your history of mindless, unparalleled destruction, what makes you think you automatically deserve my love, my trust, and my respect? Through your own blood, sweat, tears, and breaking back, what you have accomplished? Other than your pale skin, what do you contribute to a marriage, or a friendship? What great purpose do you serve to have earned this worship?"

    This! ^^
    I never thought I would see a day when BM participated in this ish. My brothers would not stand for it but some of these other men will stand idly by why other people act racially superior to their faces and then give me the side eye when I put said people in their place.

    And as far as the rates of wedlock and fatherlessness in the black community. I have a friend who's mother died and her father is now back in her life. At a convenient time since she just graduated from college.

    I know a lot of deadbeat fathers of all races who love to do this shit and get away with it(But hes my dad!) Pop back into their children's lives with some lame ass excuse about why they weren't around but now want to be a parent when all the hard work of raising their children has been done by somebody else, usually some woman who's had to make sacrifices that they didn't.

    But it especially embarrasses me when black men pull this shit. Especially with biracial children, cause there ain't no damn excuse for it at all! And furthermore most of them know better!

    It seems like a lot of them truly believe in their own racial inferiority. I want to slap the shit out of them and be like,"You're black! Remember!"

    And then they say we have high standards, um no we don't. We just know our own worth.

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  4. Thank you Lord Jesus someone gets it.......

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  5. Once again this needs to be said. Time and Time again. The slave mentality is alive well and kicking. It's not always associated with the ppl you think either. That kind of colonized view of the world resides everywhere.

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  6. "men here approach us incorrectly"

    This is the understatement of the century.

    I'm willing to give any single guy that approaches me in a polite respectful manner a chance but so many can't even manage that! Too many men think that because I'm a black women I don't deserve the minimal courtesy given to any other human being.

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  7. The slave mentality is alive well and kicking. It's not always associated with the ppl you think either.

    Exactly. I find it ironic that black people are associated with lowly slave status, but all these other POC worldwide are just lining up to worship and kowtow to white people without even seeing how self-dehumanizing that is. They're so obsessed with seeing themselves elevated above black people that they don't stop to think, "Hey, wait a minute...how come I'm still a second-class citizen? Even in my own country? What century is this? Why am I bowing and scraping to them...and for what?"

    It's like they see us as field Negroes, but it never occurs to them that we view them as house Negroes.

    I'm especially disappointed where the Chinese are concerned. White Americans aren't even running China. It's China who runs America.

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  8. Great post! Men (of any color) who choose to believe stereotypes/myths concerning Black women are truly missing out...and yes, its a choice!

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  9. @Ankhesen
    "Black women don't need to prove a damn thing to anybody but ourselves"

    Amen! It'll be a blizzard in hell before I undertake this burden. Again, why is someone always trying to force Black women to do all the damned work?

    What is it you do? With your history of mindless, unparalleled destruction, what makes you think you automatically deserve my love, my trust, and my respect? Through your own blood, sweat, tears, and breaking back, what you have accomplished? Other than your pale skin, what do you contribute to a marriage, or a friendship? What great purpose do you serve?"

    Preach it!!!

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  10. I'm on the fence about Jo's article. I could see how people could misconstrue her words. I would like to have seen some examples of how black women are portrayed in the media in China specifically. When I was in Japan, I saw representations of blacks, but most of the time it was because they were MEN. As a black American woman there, I was hit with not just reactions towards my nationally, but towards my race AND gender. So I'm curious to know what she's seen. But I get that it's here first article and even though a lot of the people who responded were stupid trolls I hope continues to focus on black/Asian relations in China. But I digress.

    As for this post, I agree it's not really up to us to dispel myths and stereotypes, it's up to THEM. This is something that comes up on a lot of boards about race all the time.
    It's not my job to sit a guy down and beg him to see the real me or explain to him everything he's watching in a movie isn't real because it's not my damn job. Put effort into learning your damn self.

    As bad as the media portrays us anyone who refuses to interact with an entire group of people because of what they see on TV then they're just an idiot. And you know what...THANK YOU FOR STAYING AWAY FROM ME!!! I'm happy with the asshole I have don't need extra ones in my life.

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  11. Weird. ShaSha's post came through the mail, but hasn't shown up here on the site.

    SpamBot, you're blocking the wrong person!!!

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  12. It's not my job to sit a guy down and beg him to see the real me or explain to him everything he's watching in a movie isn't real because it's not my damn job.

    THANK YOU.

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  13. @ Modest-Goddess

    Cosign Cosign Cosign!!!

    I'm disgusted with the amount of guys of numerous races who try to kiss me five minutes after getting a number(usually fake). I've even been grabbed on the street. The disrespect is monumental.

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  14. I'm disgusted with the amount of guys of numerous races who try to kiss me five minutes after getting a number(usually fake).

    Or the ones who demand a kiss before they even know your name.

    I've even been grabbed on the street.

    *shudder* Makes you want to rush home and douse yourself in Clorox.

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  15. @Shasha

    As bad as the media portrays us anyone who refuses to interact with an entire group of people because of what they see on TV then they're just an idiot. And you know what...THANK YOU FOR STAYING AWAY FROM ME!!!

    THIS!!! Damn straight!

    I'm glad Ankhesen rescued you from SpamHell.

    If I wrote about sexism in Japan, I'd be posting for years. Instead, I'll just share one little adventure.

    The guys I hate the most are the ones who come up to me, comment on my large breasts and then immediately suggest we go somewhere to have sex. WTF?! One guy literally stalked me until I led his sorry ass to my neighborhood koban. As expected, that bitch tried to lie his way out of it and even accused me of trying to sell my business. Perhaps in another life, on another day and in another time, he might have gotten away with it. Instead, he met with bad luck because I know the police on my neighborhood beat. Given the nature of this patriarchal society, I'm sure he's harassing women somewhere else.

    And you know my foreign resident card lists me as *****'s wife. Once it's known that I'm a married, I cease to be Black, I cease to be a woman, I cease to be a colleague... I cease to be. I'm just a wife. My female Japanese friends are equally enraged, but they're powerless to do anything about it.

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  16. I love everything this post chooses to be! And I just have to add that, "You're cute for a black girl" and, "I don't like black girls but I like you" are not compliments. They're insults. I don't know why men (especially non-black men) think that line gets them anywhere.

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  17. It disgusts me too how guys think they can treat you any kind of way. I have had guys of different races approach me in lewd ways as well. One of the guys went as far to say that I was "uppity". Since when is wanting and deserving respect considered uppity? Seriously most guys need a reality check.

    As for the media and stereotypes, if a guy buys so much into the stereotypes and everything he sees in the media, then I highly doubt he's worth our time.

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  18. @Arieru
    Since when is wanting and deserving respect considered uppity?

    Since time immemorial when Black women realized they DESERVED respect.

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  19. Also a no no:
    Calling me brown sugar then touching my hair.
    Telling me you don't like any cream in your coffee.

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  20. I think my brain just imploded from the sheer ignorance of some of the comments for that article o_O.

    Regarding the subject at hand:

    [i]As for this post, I agree it's not really up to us to dispel myths and stereotypes, it's up to THEM. This is something that comes up on a lot of boards about race all the time.
    It's not my job to sit a guy down and beg him to see the real me or explain to him everything he's watching in a movie isn't real because it's not my damn job. Put effort into learning your damn self.

    As bad as the media portrays us anyone who refuses to interact with an entire group of people because of what they see on TV then they're just an idiot. And you know what...THANK YOU FOR STAYING AWAY FROM ME!!! [/i]"

    This post is full of win. This is pretty much my attitude where men are concerned. I can respect a guy who is honest and admits that he is simply not attracted to black women (it is what it is). However, when a guy uses those bs excuses as his reason for not feeling black women? Please. Dude can just kick rocks and keep it movin'.

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  21. totally agree with article.the problem is black folks don't need to prove a damn thing to anybody as our history shows we were kicking down doors while everybody stood their punk asses in the background and walked through and yes this includes asians too. I mean some of them are so white washed until it is sad and the dummies don't know that the river flows from the east to the west not the other way around.

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  22. we were kicking down doors while everybody stood their punk asses in the background and walked through and yes this includes asians too.

    We didn't do it alone, but we were at the head of the Civil Rights game.

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  23. This is PACKED with EPIC WIN!
    @Hateya-I'll keep your various experiences in mind while I'm over in Japan next semester.

    If anything, I believe we've made SOME progress with our Asian brothers and sisters. The ones I hang with (mostly Korean guys, Japanese girls, one Vietnamese guy) are AWARE that not ALL Black women/WoC are what those myths say we are.
    They're even open about discussing race relations here and abroad! Like my Vietnamese friend said to me, "You and me? We have that minority bond goin on." :D

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  24. I'll keep your various experiences in mind while I'm over in Japan next semester.

    So you're all set to go? Good girl! Don't be stingy with stories.

    They're even open about discussing race relations here and abroad! Like my Vietnamese friend said to me, "You and me? We have that minority bond goin on."

    Awwwwwww.

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  25. @Moonwalker723
    I'll keep your various experiences in mind while I'm over in Japan next semester.

    WOOT!!! I'm sure you're going to have many GOOD experiences. In a crazy place like this, the good always outweigh the bad and the recent disaster has humbled quite a few of the problem-folk. Please send me an email after you arrive and I'll give you a way to contact me directly. Every blue moon, you'll have a WTF moment of epic proportions and you'll need help! ROTF!

    Are you only staying for a one semester or longer?

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  26. @ Hateya

    In a crazy place like this, the good always outweigh the bad and the recent disaster has humbled quite a few of the problem-folk.

    Has it now? Do elaborate.

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  27. @Ankhesen,

    It isn't that exciting. In short, the newest fad in town is "relief-effort." Even the jackasses in Tokyo have jumped on board the "Gambarou Nihon" campaign. They're not focusing on the people who've been directly affected by this earthquake/tsunami/radiation disaster. Nope, they're acting as if the entire nation has been washed away and they need to start over from scratch. All the moaning and groaning about how much our nation is suffering irks the hell out of me.

    WTF? Our nation isn't suffering this tragedy. The people of Tohoku are! Instead of getting down and dirty and helping these poor people (who clearly do not have much Yamato DNA), they just send money to NPOs/NGOs/Red Cross. Donating is only second to baseball as the national pastime. 600 people volunteered to help during Golden Week and TPTB are going to shave that list down to 200! WTF?! Because... because... because... 200 is the number some damned agency decided to accept! Argh!

    Sorry... I need to end here. I've been angry from day one and five weeks later, I'm still angry. Every time I try to discuss it, I get nauseated and a headache.

    The only important thing now is Moonwalker723's happiness. Because this is Japan, it's extremely unlikely she'll be abused. By design, short term visitors LOVE this country because this is a country of people who LOVE to be LOVED. Even the racists tend to be on their best behavior when a someone is clearly a short-term visitor. At worse, she'll run into truly clueless morons who need to be smacked into intelligence. Malice is NOT the norm here. Abuse usually happens within an uchi, not beyond it.

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  28. @Moonwalker723
    Glad you're going. Half of my family doesn't want me to go back and thinks I'll grow a third eye or become the living dead if I even step foot in Japan. My father who lives in Kyoto is fine with it and said it's more of a local tragedy. Not to down play the fact that the people in Sendai need serious help.

    Anyway back to the topic at hand:
    I agree with everyone. Anyone who already makes up their mind of who and what Black women are or anyone for that matter and use stereotypes to justify their disdain are ignorant and extremely lazy.
    @The Girl In Question
    "You're cute for a black girl" and, "I don't like black girls but I like you" are not compliments. They're insults. I don't know why men (especially non-black men) think that line gets them anywhere.

    It's rude indeed. It annoys me when non-Black men come up to me give the "you're not mannish, loud, or [insert whatever stereotype] like most black women" comment like they're complimenting me by treating me like an oddity. Then they would say very racist thing about other Black women IN FRONT OF ME no less. These are usually the people who have met maybe 1-2 Black people in their life.
    When I ask why they feel this way about Black woman the similar answer is "I don't know, I just don't feel their good people".

    When people say that colonialism and media doesn't influence how people perceive races I have to just laugh in their faces. It affects us EVERYDAY.

    I've met men who I've turned down because of comments like these who usually end up being some emasculated pet to a White woman just for the sake of being with someone who is White. You don't know how many times I've seen the "ethnic pet boyfriend". SMH

    "So any Asian men who feel that dating/marrying black women is to "settle" or "lower" themselves"

    I've encountered men like this on a few occasions and when I turn them down they get mad at me like they were doing me a favor by asking me out. I'm not some back up plan for whatever white-washed dream you have.
    Sorry you need more credentials than your skin color dude.

    Prejudice is a learned trait, NOT A NATURAL ONE. As the saying goes "anyone who tries to dehumanize a race of people especially their women obviously feel threatened".

    I was having a little issue posting this so I hope it doesn't show up more than once

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  29. @Moonraker723 & Hateya

    *FACE PALM* Yeah so my family have been harpies on my back about the radiation so I have to delay a year to assure them I won't grow wings and fly back. *Sigh* The more people talk about it the more I wish they read what I read.

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  30. This post is just so full of win.

    I don't get hit on by a lot of guys, but when I do, they start to back away when I tell them about myself and they realize that on top of being 'that black chick' (stereotypical thoughts tend to come first), I'm not the shy, probably one-dimensional girl in glasses they thought I was. I'm pretty self-established and am going places. And the guys who arn't scared off think they're complementing me when they tell me stuff along the lines of 'You're really cool/nice/sweet/smart for a black chick' *facepalm* As if I think I'm ~elevated~ or something because I know what I'm worth.

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  31. I don't get hit on by a lot of guys, but when I do, they start to back away when I tell them about myself and they realize...I'm not the shy, probably one-dimensional girl in glasses they thought I was. I'm pretty self-established and am going places.

    This is why I brought up the sexism factor. Men have this delusional idea that if they simply "switch colors" relationships will somehow be easier. They think if they date a white woman, their social status will improve and their whole life will magically change for the better. They think that if they date a black woman or a Latina, they won't have deal with crying, andthat she'll always support them no matter what mess they get themselves into. And they think that if they date an Asian woman, she won't have any expectations and will tolerate any behavior.

    What they find, however, is that they are all dealing with women regardless of color. And they often find that choosing a woman strictly based on color can't work out at the personal level.

    And we should all feel free to point out that white Americans are the worst people to model in terms of relationships, considering the divorce rate here tends to appall the rest of the world. And since black women's marriage rates have supposedly declined, we can comfortably state that this is yet another hideous failing that isn't our fault.

    *blows kisses*

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  32. And before people bring up the strict attention black women here pay towards Asian men, let's remember why it is so. Racial hype, hopes of social elevation, and overall house Negroism sure ain't the reasons.

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  33. @GoddessMaverick

    I've only recently seen the non-Japanese coverage of the Fukushima accident and I'd be scared as hell, too, if I watched those doomsday scenarios day in and day out. Unlike the Chernobyl plant (which is in dire need of a new cover), the damaged parts of the Fukushima plant will be dead and buried within nine months; therefore, all of the detectable radiation will be gone at this time next year. Nobody can clean up a catastrophic mess better than the Japanese.

    FYI, you can fly into KIX (Kansai International Airport) to by-pass Tokyo and the contaminated northern regions altogether. Osaka, Kobe, Kyoto, Nara, Hiroshima, Fukuoka, Nagasaki, Okinawa, Kochi and so forth aren't affected by the radiation.

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  34. Much I was enlightened by Jo's article, there was one little problem that I had with it...it's point 3.

    With all due respect,why should Black women have to prove who they are? As as Ankh said we haven't done anything to the world. They assume the worst about us.The thing that irks me about know-it-alls like them is that they will settle for the first thing that is put in their face without getting to know the real you.

    My biggest problem with men like that is that they don't see us from the heart.If they cannot see us human beings and as women, why be bothered with them?It's evident that you don't have your their best interest. Some people have preferences and that is ok,but their preferences also seem to equal hatred created by what media have taught them,what they read or what somebody have taught them about us.If there is anything that life has taught me about men like that is that they want the easy way out. They want fiction over facts..basic Stafford wives is what they want.To them, women shouldn't have a voice, they are expected to look like supermodels for the rest of their lives.These kinds of men will most likely run when life gets tough.

    Everything also have be to their liking. Their women have to be unhappy,but pretends that she loves being treated as a second class citizen to her man. Any woman who defies their rules is considered to be "masculine".This is why Black women are considered to be like that.In many parts of the world, it's considered to be unladylike for women to be assertive(honest). In the past,in the U.S. especially in the South,it would have been ill mannered for women to be this way.I also find it ironic how Black women are considered to be masculine. In countries like Saudi Arabia, their female citizens want a voice.Would it be considered masculine of they are trying to fight for their rights to be considered as people?This is exactly what our supposed "loud,rude and obnoxious"Black women had to do to fight not only for their rights,but for some of their male critics rights as well.

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  35. If there is anything that life has taught me about men like that is that they want the easy way out. They want fiction over facts..basic [Stepford] wives is what they want.To them, women shouldn't have a voice, they are expected to look like supermodels for the rest of their lives.These kinds of men will most likely run when life gets tough.

    ...I also find it ironic how Black women are considered to be masculine. In countries like Saudi Arabia, their female citizens want a voice.Would it be considered masculine of they are trying to fight for their rights to be considered as people? This is exactly what our supposed "loud,rude and obnoxious" Black women had to do to fight not only for their rights,but for some of their male critics rights as well.


    Girl...no words. No words, but thank you, thank you, thank you. This is what I've been trying to say but saying it all wrong. This was the perfect way to say it.

    In fact, the male preference for easiness explains the addiction to the fiction of media. It's easier to have someone else decide what woman they need to be with, so that they don't have to do any actual work of getting to know a woman. I think that one of the biggest appeals of mail-order brides is just that: the ability to order them. The see the girl in a magazine and order her like they would a video game or a new jacket.

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  36. @Ankh
    Yup I'm all set! I just have to book my flight. I should be leaving at the end of August. And don't worry! I'll share the juicy stories!

    @Hateya
    Thank you, I'll definitely let you know when I get to Akita!

    @Kyo Takatsuki and GoddessMaverick
    Yes, I've had nearly ALL my church members donate money to help me pay for expenses when I get there, but there are some who are insistent on telling me not to go.
    I keep telling them that Akita is far from both Sendai and Fukushima, and that the university I'll be attending hasn't sustained any damage, and no one working there was hurt. So, no radiation for me :)

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  37. @ Moonwalker

    ...don't worry! I'll share the juicy stories!

    Oh, you better! In fact, if you want to resume your post as a Narrative author once you start living in Japan, just shoot me an email. If you start a blog of your own, let me know as well.

    I'm so very excited for you, and I hope you have a lot of fun experiences.

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  38. @Moonwalker723

    You'll be in Akita?! That's wonderful because you'll be a lot closer to me than I thought.
    When do you plan to come and how long will you stay?

    Though Japan is extremely expensive, it's fair. You'll get what you pay for. If something is cheap, it's cheap. If it's steep, it's generally worth the ridiculous cost. I can't wait until you get here!

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  39. Thanks Ankh! I just had to get that off of my chest.

    I was afraid that my correction wouldn't go through as I was trying to correct the mistake,while it was already posting. The line where I talked about being "assertive(honest)" came off as arrogant. I wanted to use honest instead of assertive. Anybody can talk ,but not everybody will tell the truth. That was what I truly wanted to say. My apologizes to you and rest of the gang on here.

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  40. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  41. @Huggums,

    Obviously, you took a wrong turn and ended up on our playground. Perhaps you were seeking an audience with http://www.stormfront.org
    Bye bye now. I'm afraid we're so busy paying attention to our needs, we don't have time to play with you.

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  42. @Hateya

    My fault didn't read the comment policy. Just read it and clearly, I've made a terrible error.

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  43. A terrible error indeed, though I'm surprised the very title of this site and multiple references within this post itself didn't ring a bell.

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  44. Hi, I agree with you and would like to share my ideas with you. This post is quite educational..Thanks Forever

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  45. The frightening thing is that many of these men, not just black men, think that women are jealous if they decide to pursue women based on the idea that they are not black or because they are light-skinned. The very thought is so funny it's actually quite ludicrous! The error of thought in believing anyone would be jealous of such a biased individual couldn't be farthest from the truth, like someone would actually get upset over someone who is clearly ignorant, racist, or biased. I know that I would not want to be near any man who thinks in such limited and archaic terms and definitely would never be jealous of such an ignorant person. But what is scary is that many of these people do not see the fault in their mentality or see that they clearly have issues they need to deal with themselves. I also find it frightening when men assume that black women are a certain way because they are Black....these people who are clearly brainwashed into accepting these media created lies are indeed a sad group of people because it clearly shows their inability to think for themselves. If someone clearly doesn’t love me for who I am then they clearly do not need to associate with me. I also want to touch base on those who circulate lies and illusions that black women are masculine who aren’t weak or helpless. This lie of seeing women who do not conform to the weak helpless woman who-needs-a-man-to-do-everything-for-her is a pervading image that was developed and spread by racist media who felt threatened by the image of educated, beautiful, self-sufficient black women. These people created this illusion of the masculine black woman as a tool to not only tarnish someone who they clearly were jealous of their creative and personal power.

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  46. if you want to see Chinese men and black women, then check out Jamaica. they've been intermarying for generations

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    1. True dat! Which is why I have to laugh when people act as if Asian Men marrying Black Women is like the sun rising in the west. I know and know of far too many Blasians, Black people with Chinese surnames (usually via a great-grandparent or grandparent), and Chinese people with Black great (even great-great) grandparents for it all to be a fluke.

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    2. Yep! if some people were to know about that, it would break their hearts to know that some non-Black men who marry Black women opposed to just sexing them up and leave. Though my great-grandfather wasn't Chinese( he was from India)he married my Black great-grandmother. Before she died several years ago, she would talk about him and why he married her.

      My late great grandfather, according to my late greatgrandmother was a person who didn't express himself a lot,but when it came to her he did. He told her that he loved her because she was wife material, a good woman and that she was a woman of strong moral character. Far as Black women, he told her that he didn't want to marry,but if he did it would be with a Black woman and he did. So much for the "Asian-men-don't-marry-Black woman" theory.

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