2.19.2012

Converted Another One

Let's talk about something happy/amusing for a minute, cool?

Apparently, I have a superpower.  I thought my superpower was wordplay, but apparently, I have another one.  Men, fashion tip: one of the best ways to convince a woman you're dateable...is through another woman.  Now, I don't mean prancing about with some other chick on your arm to cause jealousy; I mean getting a female to advocate on your behalf.

I know, I know...women are weird.

By now, many of you are familiar with my partner-in-crime, Amaya Radjani.  A long time ago, she wrote a post called "Crossing the Pacific" detailing her discovery of the Blasian world (courtesy of Moi, of course).  She considered herself a "convert".  I laughed and said that around Moi, that sort of thing happened all the time.  It's been going on since high school.  Girls who never noticed Asian boys noticed little else after kickin' it with Moi for a few weeks.

Apparently, I have that effect on women.  And now my roommate is the latest example.

My roommate's been frequenting a restaurant near our apartment since December.  She apparently caught the eye of one of the guys who works there.  He's been "talking" to her ever since, showing her extra attention, giving her a hook-up each time, and trying to get to know her in small, subtle ways.

When she first moved in with Moi, she paid him no more attention than the average customer (partly because she was post-nasty breakup).  After a few weeks, she casually nicknamed him her "boyfriend", and would say she's off to go pick up food from her "boyfriend's place".  Soon we both began to realize just how attracted she was to this guy (if you've paid attention to my posts, you'll notice some of these things she says).  Problem was, she wasn't helping things to progress.  She didn't know what to say or how to act; she's been completely flummoxed by him (or "frozen", as she says), and despite all the relationships she's had, no male has affected her this way since high school.

I mean, she's been chatting with this dude since December.  I wanted to know: what's the hold-up?

My roommate is Kenyan, born and bred.  She still has her adorable accent and a very African mindset.  This has proved a roadblock to her time and again because she feels self-conscious and unsure of how to navigate dating in America, even though she's stunningly beautiful and draws attention wherever she goes.  In fact, she drew attention while in his restaurant this one time before; two men came to sit and talk with her while she waited for her food, but her "boyfriend" confidently kept talking to her like no other men were there.

So I figured these two were into each other, and since I am a pygmy, the role of Cupid seemed fitting.  I decided to go with her to see her "boyfriend" and assess the situation.  I was going to ask some basic, non-intrusive questions just to get a feel for the guy - that was all.

Um...no.

First of all, she didn't warn me.  She told me was fine - which I was expecting - but she neglected to mention he was foine.  At first she thought he wasn't there, but then he suddenly stood up from behind the counter and knocked us both into speechlessness.

Right then, I knew I wouldn't be any use to my roommate.  Not today.

You ever see someone so attractive you can't even look at them directly at first?  You sort of have to work your way up to their face 'cause...damn.  Narrators, he had it all.  My roommate is sensitive about her height (she's tall), and he towered above her.  He had the big, broad shoulders, the long legs, the beautifully shaped lips, the low, rumbling bass voice, and the long, silky black hair bundled up in the back, with a few loose tendrils hanging.

No wonder my roommate's been having trouble talking to this dude.  She tried to get herself a drink and her hands shook the whole time.  Meanwhile, my dumbfounded ass was just sitting nearby saying the same thing over and over again like a crackhead:  "Lawd.  Have.  Mer...cy."

My roommate kept looking to me for guidance and I was just like, "Woman, do I look like I can form an intelligent thought right now?  Why didn't you warn me this man had a body like whoa?!??"

I'm not even going to describe what it felt like listening to him switch back and forth between languages - Lawd.  After a few minutes, I just wanted to get our food so we could bounce, gain minimum safe distance, and regrow some brain cells.  When we got to back to my car I still couldn't think straight.  It took me a while to turn the damn thing on, and even then I had to sit for a moment and replay shit, thinking, "WTF????"

When we got home, I told my roommate she needed to call him and get his name.  It was a slow day, he was taking orders over the phone - she needed to call him.  They had been chatting back and forth since December - she needed to at least learn his name (he already knew hers).  I tried to call in, thinking that since I couldn't see him, I'd be able to speak again and get the basic info I couldn't acquire before.  Busy signal.  I told my roommate it was a sign: she was going to have to stop being so flustered and learn her "boyfriend's" name.

It took a while, Narrators, but she finally got up the nerve to call the restaurant and he picked up right away (go figure).  Amused by her inquiry, he told her his name.

Now all she wants to know is whether or not he's got a woman (he doesn't wear a wedding ring) and how old he is (she fears a possible age difference...though dude looks grown).  She knows the days he works, so I issued her a deadline to get this thing rolling.  I bluntly told her to go out with him even if he is a little younger than she.  Like many women, she has "rules" and I flat-out told her he's an exception to her rules: we need to get this thing rolling - end of story.

So we'll see how this week goes.

18 comments:

  1. Yay! Converting the masses, one by one. My only beef is I need a pic of Mr. Whoa.

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    1. "Mr. Whoa"? That's what we're calling him now?

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  2. Reminds me of the hot younger guy my friend and I saw working at a bar last summer. My friend is a flirt so she got all his info: first name, where he goes to college, when he will graduate, what his major was. He was gorgeous and blushing like crazy. Just how I like them.

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  3. ...she feels self-conscious and unsure of how to navigate dating in America

    Hell, some of us Americans feel the same. But I digress. We're going to need regular updates on Mr. Whoa! Hell, I'm jealous. All my lusting has been theoretical fueled by images of Rick Yune, Rain, and other delectible hotties, but a real live opportunity? I'mma need for Roomie to put the clank-clank on Mr. Whoa quick, fast and in a hurry. Just sayin'. Because if she don't want him...

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    1. See, this is precisely why we ain't puttin' up no pix of Mr. Whoa. She ain't advertisin' what she ain't givin' away. Mm-mm.

      Repeat: there will be NO pix of Mr. Whoa. This is H-Town. A BW already tried that cock-blocking ish. Mr. Whoa tried to talk to my roommate about the Superbowl. She's no football fan, so she said, "I don't know."

      So this other random BW suddenly cut in with the date, time, teams - all that. She had all the answers. My roommate looked at her like, "WTF?!? Heffa, he didn't ask you!"

      Seriously, y'all...my roommate wanted to wait for that woman in the parking lot. She said the Kenyan in her wanted to be polite, but her other side (she calls it "Shaniqua") wanted to beat that woman's ass in the parking lot.*

      I asked my roommate, "Was she cute? Be honest."

      My roommate sniffed, "She's just as average as me."

      Me: "Um........" I had to explain to my roommate that she's stunning.

      My roommate: "Well, she wasn't as tall as me!" Turns out, the other woman was dark chocolate too.
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
      *Now before you ask why she got so upset, I'll remind you: the man foine. As my roommate says (in her adorable accent), "He makes your vagina shake."

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  4. Whoa...you're a great friend for giving her a deadline because she need to get with him before another girl tries. He sounds like a dream and I hope it works out.

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  5. Ankh, your room mate better hurry the hell up! *munches pop corn*

    Who needs a romantic comedy when you have real life?

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    1. I know, right?

      I saw the dude today for the first time and was like, whoa, whoa, whoa...we've been talking to this dude this long and we don't know his name???? We ain't already got his number??? What????

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    2. Leo Princess,

      Exactly*laughing*

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  6. We'll get pics after the deadline then, right?

    *munch munch

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  7. I'm fascinated to see how this turns out lol. It's been a few years since I've seen a guy that was so fine that I just had to stop and scramble for thoughts to turn into speech :) Unfortunately the man in question I worked with sort of indirectly and he turned out to be a major jackass. I wish your friend luck though!

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  8. anonymous J

    I had an absolutely gorgeous neighbor like that. The description of Mr. Whoa reminds me of him. Even my mom noticed him. She is pretty picky when it comes to men. Suffice it to say the number three has a special significance to me, for once it was my lucky number! Tell your friend to hurry up and grab Mr. Whoa. I am willing to bet that there are a number of women who notice him. Ms. Cock Blocker, I did that accidentally once, and tried to get the person talking to the guy again. She had started walking away, and I was like "come back." I was pretty puzzled at first. I was surprised that the lady thought I was trying to divert the guys attention! I was enjoying talking to both of them. Live and Learn. Got my finger crossed for your friend and Mr. Whoa.

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    1. anonymous J

      Made a mistake. I meant to say "Got my fingers crossed for your friend and Mr. Whoa."

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  9. I'm hoping there will be pics after she puts the clank on Mr. Whoa. I just want to see him. I already got a goal and I aint planning to deviate from it haha.

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  10. I'll be honest; my first instinct was to take pics of Mr. Whoa. He looks like he belongs on the cover of one of Amaya's books.

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    1. I hoping for those pics. I'm just imaging looking like that him looking like An Asian version of Jay Tavare.

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  11. Absolutely loved this!! LOL we need a picture!

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  12. btw there is a Mr Whoa on my campus, I was walking to my office and he was standing smoking a cigarette, had to fight every urge in my body not to walk over and beg him not to damage his beautiful face with the smoke. His hair was curly and in a pony tail, he was about 6'3, all I could do was stare....like I seriously stood in one place and stared while he smoked!

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