"...You Not Knowin'"

There's a line in Romeo Must Die (2000) where Anthony Anderson's character is hitting on a girl.  She rejects him and he replies, "What, you don't like a big man?  You not knowin'.  You not knowin'."

For years that line was a source of amusement to me, but today I got to thinking.

First off, I think thick men and women are attractive as hell...when they are, in fact, thick and wearing it proportionately.  In some societies on earth, there is an extreme pressure for men and women to be thin.  Not medium, not somewhat slender, not even specifically healthy, but thin.  This has led to the myth that all skinny people are healthy, disciplined individuals while all non-thin people are irresponsible, insecure slobs on borrowed time.

It's bull, and to an extent, we know this.  For example, in West Africa it is common to see a a very thick woman carrying water from the river or working in her farm for hours, and carrying home the heavy fruits of her labor.  Many West Africans live on a predominantly vegetable diet (fish and meat are expensive, and considered "spices" in some dishes), yet these women are quite thick and often affectionately referred to as "Big Mami."  In fact, West African clothing is specifically designed to be adjustable; hence the ability to tighten or loosen our wrappers at whim.  It's understood that a woman's weight tends to rise and fall and it's not a big deal.  Muscle is heavier than fat, and most of these women are thick because of muscle, not fat.

Case in point...arms aren't bony, she's got on an
adjustable dress, and she's carrying a load and walking
(most likely on a daily basis).
Why I am talking about this on the Narrative?

A woman I know recently started experimenting with online dating.  She's Black and she likes all men just fine, but she doesn't like big men (her last boyfriend was morbidly obese and chronically ill).  She complained that all the Asian guys on this dating site she frequents are "too big".

Normally, I would take her prior experience into account and excuse her preference, but I was concerned.  She's never dated an Asian, but finds them immensely attractive...and she watches a lot of Korean dramas.  Now, when I wrote about actor Sunn Wee (Ktown Cowboys) last year, I subtly warned against gravitating towards only a specific type of Asian man (Chrispy warned the same thing).  Not all Asian men are buff men who go to the gym every day.  Not all have washboard abs and rippling biceps.  Not all Asian men are even slender.  This doesn't mean they aren't attractive.

I immediately had to remind this woman of comedian David So.

(Pay special attention to 1:23)

...Say what?!??

David So is fine.  David So is sexy.  He's a bear.  He's 6'1", so you can imagine what it's like to get a hug from this dude.  All a woman needs to do is call him Big Daddy while he croons a little somethin' for her.

If women want men to accept our thickness, then we need to be more accepting of thickness in men as well. Comedian Katt Williams once said that if you've struggled for years and years to be skinny, then maybe it's not for you.  He said that to the women in his audience, but I feel it applies to men as well.  David So makes a lot of jokes about his size, but until his doctor specifically tells him he's about to keel over, I don't want to him to change a goddamn thing about himself...except release a Monsieur Nov-type video with a sistah.

So for Black women into the Blasian thing giving dudes like David So the brush off...uh, you not knowin'.


  1. I absolutely love this. Thank you so much for introducing me to his videos! I'm in love haha.


  2. I'm at a point in my life where I'm "what will be will be".Lately, I've been seeing guys from my heart instead of seeing them how society wants us to see people as. Far as David, he's not a bad looking guy and I can deal with his thickness.

    I've been more attracted to men who looked more like Dave than stick figures. I'm also very turned off by men who are overly muscular. For some women, for men to be as muscular as the hulk is attractive,but not for me. I'm becoming attracted to simple guys..someone who isn't stuck on his looks, an everyday guy who I see in my daily life..the one who wears blue jeans, jogging pants.. eye glasses( it wouldn't matter if he did, I agree with you about the nerdy looking guys . They can be pretty hot..especially with a great fitting glasses on their faces)..a guy who are real to themselves.

    I remembered having my first boyfriend. He wasn't ugly he was no Michael Ealy,but I liked him and I was attracted to him because of the " umph" factor in him. I would rather see men from the heart than the societal ways of seeing them. Cliche as it is, looks do fade and not only that but they can sometimes be taken away by tragedy. I watched a show about a woman whose husband face was disfigured by an ailment. When asked how do stay/why do you stay with him? she responded " because I love him and knew what he looked like from the beginning." What would happen if my good looking man develops a beer gut and double chin? just as the woman who dealt with her disfigured husband, he is still the same man, just bigger. Thickness has nothing to with how pretty/ugly someone is. If you were attractive as a skinny person, you're still going to be it as a big person. I just laugh at some of those weight loss commercials having some of those people say that they became beautiful after loosing weight. So not true.

    I've had some of the hottest guys trying to court me. With the exception of 2 of the men, I wasn't attracted to these guys. One of them thought that he was god. Their attitude is what did it for me.
    That is how I see things now.I see them more on a deeper unpretentious level Whether the guy is thick/not thick, it's about the matter of me being attracted to them no .matter what

  3. Ohhh he is my MAN! I love his comedy and his voice...*melts into a puddle of chocolate pudding*. He is just sexy and I agree with you Ank that he should never change unless...well its for him and him alone or the doctor says he has to.

    You should watch his new video with Paul Kim. The song is in Korean but the harmony they made together was insane. :D

  4. I have always dated/relationship of guys with different builds, big guy, skinny guy, wash board abs guy, if I found you attractive and we click with the same interests then it was all good to me. I never tried to limit myself, the same as for dating men of other races.

    My only stipulations is height. I'm 5'8" so I kinda like men a little taller than me.

  5. She watches a lot of Kdramas...tsk tsk :p way to go to become a bit obsessed for many.
    Seriously though, watching many Japanese and Korean TV series did something else on me. You see these Asian men as even more ordinary men and you see the "flaws" of the characters' personalities/attitudes (blame it on the producer/scenarist) that make me tick sometimes. Really, I wouldn't want to date/marry a stereotypical Kdrama male character, it just looks unattractive to me. It is obvious to me that most Korean men are different (thank God) and that TV series want to portray fantasies of women so the lead male characters are often not that realistic. The jerks in those dramas are sometimes also caricatured at max too.

    Hm, back to topic! I've always been quite open, I'm myself not skinny and I don't have an ideal man, no matter his ethnicity. An ordinary man is cool. David So why not, I like chubby faces, but I'm really not a fan of his comedian voice, I prefer when he speaks normally and sometimes in a lower tone (sexy).

    1. well, I was mostly talking about the romantic comedies. I did watch good TV series, more realistic and serious ones.

  6. These responses are very encouraging.

  7. I swear I would date the hell out of David So. He is so imperfectly perfect. I've been watching his videos for a while and over time, I've started to see him as just as attractive as anyone else on my list of hot guys. I love his sense of humor/personality and his voice is perfection, how can you not fall in love??

  8. "tig ol bitties"

    as far as body types, average is good

  9. I might be shallow, but regardless of race I'll pass on chubbier guys. I'm a rather small person myself so I just don't find flab appealing. This doesn't mean I'm attracted what society thinks is attractive, it's just my personal preference. I guess I'm not knowin'.

    1. And you felt the need to post that here...why? This post is about being positive and encouraging about Asian men of bigger build. Your comment helps...how, exactly?

      How many times have we read somewhere, "I'm not racist against Black women. I'm just not attracted to them and it's just my personal preference"?

      This is a classic example of what I meant about selective lurking. If the post doesn't apply to you, it won't kill you to skip it.

    2. My first boyfriend was of the thick type. To be honest I didn't even notice he was chubby till we were seeing each other for 6 months!!! We were together for 7 years. I loved his belly and used to fit my first finger up to the second joint in his belly button, he let me keep nthings in it!! <3<3
      He was healthy and very strong and just happened to carry lots of weight in his stomach. So lush to cuddle. he had a complex but I reassured him that i found him sexy and attractive and I wouldn't be with him if I wasn't. David is gorgeous, that voice! Wow! And a little weight in matress helps if y'know what I mean *winks twice* I'm a tall girl and strong (6ft) So I like a man who can plant a firm one.
      My new love is eurasian and the skinniest man I've ever dated, He's the most incredibly beautiful man I've ever met both inside and out. But even he has issues with his size. Once again I didn't even notice. just blown away by his soul
      It's the essence of the man and it's glow never changes. Men like David and my beaus just ooze.....

  10. Love this post , honestly we all dream about some "ideal" in our head. But give me funny and sweet any day ... lol and he can sing too ! I've learned to look more at a person's heart as I've gotten wiser, and that can be sooo sexy .


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