6.30.2012

Interracial Dating: How to Approach and Get a Black Woman's Attention

Previously

Interracial Dating: How to Approach and Get an Asian Man's Attention

For most men in general, the fear of rejection is very overwhelming and may limit you from stepping outside the box.  Walking up to an intelligent, fun, goal-oriented woman can be a hard obstacle to overcome, so walking up to a woman who is from a different background and culture can be even more difficult.  Don't worry though, you are not alone.  I completely understand that what I am going to talk about can relate with men and women in general, but due to questions that I have received from readers who are Asian men who are interested in black women, I will be talking about this specifically.  

One of the first things I want to talk about are some of the views that people have outside looking in.  Based off of conversations I've had with several people, some people think that all Asian men only date Asian women and that all black women only date black men.  This is a huge misconception.  There are plenty of Asian men who are interested in black women and vice versa. With that being said, below are some tips for an Asian man to get a black woman's attention.

Confidence. When it comes to women in general, most women respond to confidence. That could be anything from smiling, body language, and initiating a conversation, but it is definitely univeral. Most women are not going to approach a man no matter how attracted they are to him so you, the man, are going to have to make the first move.

Stand out. Some black women don't think that Asian men are interested in them so the best way for an Asian man to stand out is just to approach and say hi and smile.  Because some black women aren't expecting that an Asian man is attracted to them, you already stand out and make an impression.

Initiating a Conversation.  When it comes to initiating a conversation there are plenty of  ways to go about this.  If you are younger and have a good sense of humor, you can try using pickup lines as an icebreaker if you want to just joke around to make her smile and laugh.  If you are older and more mature, you can just try being honest and real by asking open-ended questions to get to know her.  A few examples are like 'what her name is', 'what's her favorite movie', and 'what does she like to do when she's not at work'.

Carrying a Conversation.  This part may be a little difficult for some men because they have a tendency to ask too many questions or just run out of things to say.  Remember, focus on making things fun and playful.  You don't want to know everything you can about her in one sitting.  That's the whole point of dating. You can get to know each other more the next time you meet up.  You want to briefly touch upon a few topics so you can get to feel what her interests are and if you both have chemistry.

Getting Her Number. Some people have a tendency to talk too much or talk too less.  Depending on where you meet or what you are doing, the conversation can be a few minutes or ten minutes.  Remember, the whole objective is to get to know her, then if the vibe is right and you are interested, get her number so you can talk later.

Be Yourself.  When getting to know different people, understand that not everyone is going to be a good fit for you.  Some people will not meet your expectations and some people will.  Keep in mind, it's not only your chance to impress and get to know them, it's their chance to impress and get to know you.

When dating someone, regardless of race, you should be aware of what kind of person you are getting to know.  A person's personality, character, and values is what should matter most and you can get a feel for what kind of person they are once you start talking to them.  Be sure to treat each woman with respect and like the beautiful, incredible, hard-working woman she is on the inside and out.  

If you have any questions or concerns feel free to message me on Facebook. Let me know how your progress goes and don't by shy.  Most things can be difficult at first but with experience, even the difficult can become easy. Good luck!!!

18 comments:

  1. not to be mean, but these are not really pointers for asian men to approach black women. these are simply rules for approaching women in general. just my thoughts...

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    1. Which is probably why he wrote this in the beginning:

      I completely understand that what I am going to talk about can relate with men and women in general, but due to questions that I have received from readers who are Asian men who are interested in black women, I will be talking about this specifically.

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  2. @ lisa I believe that was the point. In essence he is saying that both sides are overthinking how to approach the other because of ethnic differences when truthfully it's as simple as appraoching the opposite sex. Simply a man approaching a woman. However, there are people are out there who honestly believe it is different. There are litterally sites and books written, ("Swirling" comes to mind) on the notion that people with a curiousity for interracial romance aren't sure how to approach or date someone with a different skin tone because they they think it's entirely "other" so they ask the authors these specific questions.Which naturally the reply is...well what we just commented on.

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    1. Bingo - people assume that there's some "special" way to approach the other person. There really isn't a special method. What's great about posts like these is that they gently remind readers to just relax and approach one another the way they normally would anyone else.

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    2. asummermoon: lisa is absolutely correct. the point of this article is not women in general. did you read the tile:

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  3. I remembered dating my ex who was a Black man from another country. I felt a little nervous because of his culture,but the more you get to know the person, the more you realize that they are people no matter who they are. That was the lesson that my ex taught me and I apply in my life.It's amazing how people can make themselves seem like apples and oranges. What they don't realize is that the biggest obstacle isn't who they are,but how different they sometimes make themselves to be.

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  4. I think it's great that this post is here. So many men do think they need to act a special way to catch the interest of a black woman, I'm sure most of us have had some experiences that show this point. So, if an asian guy is googling around and comes upon this post, he can be reminded that black women are just ~women~ and that's all they need to keep in mind.

    I'd love for more Asian guys to approach me first, without my having to make my interest known to him beforehand.

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    1. I'd love for more Asian guys to approach me first, without my having to make my interest known to him beforehand.

      Men in general keep forgetting that this is so attractive (at least, when they approach correctly).

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  5. Great post! I love a guy who is outgoing! Even saying hi is a GREAT first step because it catches our attention! Suddenly our attention will be on you and we will acknowledge you. That's why its so helpful to make any hints at all because we just might never know. I liked my ex for two years and I didn't even know he liked me until I started dating someone else and he confessed to my sister. I never would had known that he liked me. That's why I can't stress enough making yourself known. She could be like me... be interested and not know your interested until its too late.

    Its always good to talk but also great to listen. Every woman in my family is outgoing and talkative. We could talk your head off! That's why its great to get their number that way you could continue the conversation. Don't get too mad if we overtext or overtalk because that could just her personality. My family believes in communication so we talk about everything, some other girls could come from a chatty family too and therefore might talk you're head off. Which is good because then you don't have to worry about keeping a conversation as much. Just be sure to have your say too!

    Remember confidence! Love yourself! The Bible says A husband is expected to love his wife as himself (Ephesians 5:28-30). If you don't love yourself how could you properly love someone else? Women knows a guy who takes care of himself and has confidence can definitely handle her well because he could cherish her. verse 29 says "he nourishes and cherishes it." So hold your head up, smile, say hello and what happens happens. Not every first try will end up well. You get back up and try again. Don't give up after one bad experience. Not every girl is the same. Women are beautiful, voluptuous and just well... women. Race doesn't make us different. It's actually character. Remember, there isn't one flavor of black. There's plenty! Give us Caribbean girls love too!

    PS: I know you will roll your eyes but there are tons of verses about anything. Gotta question pick up a bible and read or ask me. I know tons. Wish I done that sooner my relationships would have been a lot better! lol.

    GOOD LUCK!!! Catch her heart! ;) Fishers of love :3

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  6. “Due to questions that I have received from readers who are Asian men who are interested in black women” Sometimes I forget there are men who read this. They need to post more! lol

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    1. Lurking is a time-honored tradition for most people.

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  7. @Kesia: Great post! I love a guy who is outgoing! Even saying hi is a GREAT first step because it catches our attention! Suddenly our attention will be on you and we will acknowledge you. That's why its so helpful to make any hints at all because we just might never know.

    This = THE DAMNED TRUTH!!!

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    1. I remember when I was in New York for the first time in a subway train (first time too). I was listening to my music and this SEXY guy (delicious Asian) caught my eye. It was so simple. He waved and flashed a smile. I was completely oblivious to the world because of my music but he caught my attention just like that. I think some guys just over think the whole "getting a girl" thing. Its basically three steps. 1 Get her attention 2 Start a conversation 3 Exchange numbers. That guy got up from his seat and sat down to talk to me. We spoke the whole ride. He eventually asked for my number. If my father wasn't sitting across from me silently giving him the evil eye I probably would had given it to him. But you know how some things go. :3.

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  8. I agree with Kesia. I like an assertive man PERIOD. I don't approach men. I don't feel I should have to. I like a guy who's grown 'n sexy with his.

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    1. I agree. My mom always says *in thick accent* "If a man loves you first it will last. If you have to chase him, he is not worth it." That's why I like guys who aren't afraid to try to catch his lioness.

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    2. Kesia,

      Love that advice you mom gave you. I do like men who appropriate and assertive.

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    3. I love the advice. It helps me single out a guy who would actually always be there for me. A good guy I suppose. Besides I liked to be chased. My mom used to tell my brother "If a girl comes up to you and tries to hit on you RUN LIKE TIL YOU CAN'T RUN NO MORE! RUN LIKE YOU DONE ROBBED A BANK! RUN LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDED ON IT! When you see the girl of your dreams you will be shaken with a force and be drawn to her. You will make the first moves. There is no reason for her to have to."

      Now after hearing that all my life its hard to buy into the "woman wear the pants" thing. I don't know. Maybe it's just my family. Doesn't mean I don't approach a guy at all. I will start conversations and talk heads off. I'm also quite blunt (runs in the family). I don't like to hold back. If I like someone I tell them and move on with my life. I never quite understood why people keep feelings a secret.

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  9. Reminds me of a married couple that does youtube videos and how they met on their college campus. She walked out of a campus building and stood at a corner waiting for the light to change. She noticed an attractive guy standing next to her and spoke to him. After talking for a while she suggested they hang out sometime. He agreed. She asked for his number and they exchanged numbers. He called her first. After dating for several years he proposed.

    Sounds like she was the one to approach him first right? Later on he admitted that he saw her walk out of the building and followed her to the corner but was too nervous to speak to her. He wasn't even going in that direction, he walked that way only because he was interested in her.

    I think the lesson here is that even if a guy is shy there are ways to get a woman's attention or make your interest known. If you see a woman you'd like to get to know don't just look at her from far away.

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