9.23.2012

Racial Fetishization (Among Other Semi-Personal Confessions & Observations)

     Hey everyone, Boon here. Thank you so much for all the comments on my debut post. I noticed that asides from the great encouragement & warm welcome were several questions that I opened up, as I had hoped it would. Sister Ankhesen inquired about my interest in black women, the when and hows. Meanie & Hateya both asked as to why I compared myself to nearly turning into a WM/AW scenario, so to speak, and how I eventually got over it. I'll broach on it with as much detail as humanly possible, and also discuss other things, time & energy permitting.

      I'll willingly admit, my first impression of black people was through the mass media. Given that I never knew any Africans / African-Americans whilst growing up, both movies and news were a constant & sometimes only source of information. Friday & The People Under The Stairs were my very first impressions of African-Americans (Run Fool!) Naturally, this had the effect of skewering my perceptions about blacks. And the views of Malaysians towards blacks limited though it may be at that time didn't help things. For one it was severely politically incorrect & woefully backwards in a number of respects. An example would be my English class during Standard Four / 4th Grade, in the year that was 1999. It was customary of our teacher to hand out photocopies from her venerable textbook, and on one such occasion it so happened that we were to learn descriptive nouns, in the masculine, feminine etc term. I distinctly remember pasting my copy into my book when I came across three unknown words. A ten year old bookworm who had a ravenous appetite for knowledge, not knowing these words was unacceptable to me. So I asked my teacher, Mrs. Janarious. The words? Negro. Negress. Pickaninny. And damnit she knew! The look on her face when I pointed out those words & asked her what they meant still sticks in my mind.

                                      

   Thank you Mr Simmons. Where was I? Ah, yes. She look quite hesitant for a few ticks, then answered in what amounted to a hushed tone of voice befitting someone on their deathbed about to receive their last rites, "That's what an African man, African woman & African child is called," before adding with lightning speed, "But we don't use that anymore. It's not polite." And in my little mind I thought, "So that's what we call them. Negros. Okay." And so it was thus. But years later, in my uni days (and after much, much experiences in life) I returned to my old elementary/primary school, and came across the same textbook Mrs Janarius used nearly a decade prior. Published in the USA. The year? 1961. Imagine that. A book that's as old as my dad, and it was used to educate me & my peers three fucking decades later. Jesus wept.
     Moving on, my first encounters with black people were some children and their guardians from South Africa, Xhosa speakers if I recall it, at a environmentalism camp in 5th grade. I was curious and fascinated by these people so unlike what I'd seen before, but also due to some cultural misunderstanding, came off with a bad impression. And he was such a nice kid :/ One of my life regrets I suppose. But college & uni was the proverbial eye-opener. There I met and formed meaningful relationships ('scuse the corniness) with all kinds of people, of color naturally. Samuel T.K., my peer and fellow thespian (we sang together in some student-run musicals) is a man I'd trust with my life. K.Q. never failed to crack me up. And Sally K. along with Serita I., two women I hold in high regard. But I always had a soft spot for Nnete B., the sweetest Tswana girl I ever met. It wasn't long before I felt a high degree of physical attraction, something which I kept under wraps, lock and key. In part because she was a devout Christian (one of them Charismatics) and because I couldn't bring myself to do anything else, such was her gentle nature. Oh make no mistake, she wasn't a naive tool, but her inner goodness outshone everything else. I suppose that's why she simply giggled when I felt mischievous and slapped her lightly on the ass. Hot damn. And acting alongside her as a co-star allowed me to hold her in many different...ways. Again, no denying that I imagined myself ravishing her and tasting every inch of her body, possessing her flesh & guiding her; sometimes gently, sometimes animalistically, to newer & greater heights of ecstacy. And I should stop here.
  
     But as time wore on, my lust for her, burningly intense as it may have initially been, began to wore off. Her cheerful demeanor & oft-shown compassion had an effect on me. I for one started to look beyond carnal boundaries & saw her as is. I daresay that her faith had an impact on me. This complicated flow of datum made me reconsider my stance, because ever since my desires for Nnete, I began to pay close attention to the other black chicks on campus. And I indulged in what every hot-blooded male does as their sacred past time; check someone out and imagine how they'd be like between the sheets. Let's just say that African women, mostly Sub-Saharan, had good runs in my head. But in considering Nnete, I too re-evaluated my perceptions on women of color. True, I once regarded white women (read blonde, blue eyes) as those who possess the seductive wiles of a courtesan coupled with the untouchable majesty of a virgin goddess. Such is the fate of those dominated by whitewashed media, even beyond the confines of the so-called West. But that was ONCE. But my new-found attraction for WoC radically altered the status quo. And what I saw when I looked into the proverbial mirror of the soul disgusted me. I saw a craven, lustful hedonist who objectified black women, grossly distorting their natural beauty that is inherent in all women (you just need to look more carefully) and turning them into dick sheaths & cum dumpsters. I've done this with anyone who struck my fancy, but black women in my perverse psyche bore the brunt of it. And I was horrified. Was this what I had reduced myself to? A creature of base emotions and prone to give in to even baser instincts?

                                        

                                                                Horror of horrors!
     
     It was around this time that my circle of friends inadvertently discovered my liking for black women, though I managed to keep its attendant dilemmas to myself. Now whilst I've never dated within my own ethnicity (another tale to tell some other time) and generally had non-Chinese girlfriends, this came as a huge shock even to them. Apparently they took notice of the fact that I would unconsciously stare at the comely African ladies in the campus plaza. At first they dismissed it, seeing as how I generally look & look & look around (Persian girls...unffh) But the more the observed, the more I gazed in particular at black women. And it clicked. One thing led to another, and their rather enlightening social commentary helped to elucidate my already torrid train of thought, as mentioned in my first post. The following is in a patois of Malaysian cant, primarily in Vernacular Malay.

"Eh Boon, asal ko asyik tengok gadis gagak tu ah?"
<blink> "Taklah, asal ko tanya camtu?"
"Dari tadi I dah nampak ko tengok Negro tu."
<awkward silence>
<Evil grins and wolf whistles> "Ahahaha, nampaknya Boon's got jungle fever! Kalo camtu gilah tanya diorang nak kongket ke tak. Kan khabar angin pasal orang Negro..."
=====================================================================
"Yo Boon, why d'ya keep on lookin' at that crow chick?"     [crow - Malaysian slang for black Africans]
"What no, why d'ja ask somethin' like that?"
"You been starin' at that Negro for some time now."
"Ahahaha, looks like (no translation needed) If like that go on an ask 'em whether they wanna bootknock or not. You know them rumors about Negros..."

     You see? As with the textbook example earlier, Malaysians are terribly backwards when it comes to international political correctness. Thing is, Malaysians call black people Negroes because we were taught that way. Many of my countrymen / countrywomen express great surprise when I inform them that the term Negro is offensive to black people. They genuinely believe that it's still a term in popular currency. In fact, when I said that referring to them as orang hitam (lit. black people) a few were hesitant to use it, citing that calling someone black was in the days of old a slur on their personality. Mind you, we have a substantial *Negrito population and even they don't get treated like so <SMH> Again I ramble.

     The more I continued to think about it, I soon realized that I was becoming (for a lack of a better term) an Asian white man. This I base on the stereotypical relationship between a white man & Asian woman, where the man has unrealistic and oft-damaging fantasies of who/what/how an Asian woman should be i.e. submissive, obedient, docile, etc. The usual tripe. In my case, I viewed black women as the exotic Other, full of fire & fury, with a sexual insatiability inherited from her primitive fore bearers. In possession of a lustful cunning & honed by the years of worldly carnal knowledge. Whose physical form was chocked with vim & vigor, breasts sloppingly lewd & a quim ready for impassioned mortar-and-pestle action; essentially someone whom I could fuck & she'd never tire of even a single moment!
...
...
...now you know my most shameful secret. I'm not proud of it, but at least I overcame it. How? Simple. By leashing my dick into my drawers (much effort, that one) and attempting to know the people I lusted for. And I was much surprised. That in itself is another long tale, but truly I say to you, I got to know peoples & cultures that prided themselves on family values, education, hospitality and above all else, honor. At the risk of being offensive (as if this entire post wasn't already :p XD) this I hazard is the stark difference between black Americans, and black Africans. The end result is a renewed sense of respect for other PoC, and myself. I still find black women erotic in whatever way should it catch my attention, but at least I can regard her beauty without suppressing the urge to fuck her brains out. Unless of course we both happen to be really into each other. In which case, all bets are off >:D



*native Aboriginals that inhabit both the Peninsular & Eastern States, who are phenotypically African but are genetically closer to Austronesians & Polynesians.

24 comments:

  1. It doesn't surprise me with the teaching material used and still being used today and with Texas (since they print the school books) erasing what little POC's were in there to begin with...sigh.

    If you can expound on this part a little-
    "I got to know peoples & cultures that prided themselves on family values, education, hospitality and above all else, honor. At the risk of being offensive (as if this entire post wasn't already :p XD) this I hazard is the stark difference between black Americans, and black Africans."

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    1. At the risk of being offensive (as if this entire post wasn't already :p XD) this I hazard is the stark difference between black Americans, and black Africans."

      I noticed that as well. Please elaborate.

      And Boon, another great post. This is exactly the type of article which "Blasians" need to read and discuss, and hopefully a great discussion will follow.

      Once again, a thousand welcomes to the Narrative.

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  2. Props for your honesty, you could have said a little less on some parts (lol) but I understand that you felt like writing this way.


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    1. You know, I caught myself blushing in some parts, but then I remembered all the porn we've posted on this blog.

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    2. You're right. I guess that it had that effect because I didn't expect that, whereas NSFW posts are crystal clear about what we're going to read :)


      And your English is great Zyder, I'm not an English native speaker but I wish I studied it in a more committed way.

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    3. LOL - I know what you mean! I wasn't expecting to read ANY of that!

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  3. Great post. Got me thinking a lot in certain parts and I enjoy your blunt honesty. You're a great writer.

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  4. Anybody else sorta kinda reminded of TJ Medel's "Dippin' in the Chocolate" poem?

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  5. Has there ever been a post done about the cultural and other differences between Black Americans and Black Africans? Good post by the way.

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  6. Great post, though I caution making generalized statements. There already is enough battles between the whole black american vs black african thing. Also being an American, I have naturally have to disagree because well one, I have access to black americans everyday and not all of us are in one big block. We are diverse and my family does hold honor, education, family values (parents been married for 40 years, grandparents for 60 years), and no one has been to jail in my family. Not trying to sound snippy, sorry if I come across as that. It's a learning process that we all hopefully go through.

    AC

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    1. We are diverse and my family does hold honor, education, family values (parents been married for 40 years, grandparents for 60 years), and no one has been to jail in my family. Not trying to sound snippy, sorry if I come across as that.

      What's this in response to? Specifically.

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    2. I agree AC. I would have said something similar to what you said, but my comments tend to come off as..."snippy" like you put it, on the internet. *shrugs*

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    3. Here's what I'm getting at. It's snippy only when the person making the comparison is making a negative comparison.

      I grew up in both worlds. My family's African, but I was born and raised in America. There are stark differences, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. We're talking about different people from different continents with different cultures.

      There are going to be differences.

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    4. Maybe I read it the wrong way. It's hard to exactly know what people mean online so I guess I took it in an offensive way.
      AC

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    5. *It's snippy only when the person making the comparison is NOT making a negative comparison.

      Sorry about that.

      Maybe I read it the wrong way. It's hard to exactly know what people mean online so I guess I took it in an offensive way.

      Perfectly understandable. People have constantly made negative comparisons rather than positive or neutral ones.

      Delete
  7. Thank you AC. I made this post with the understanding that nothing ought to be taken by face value, hence the reason as to why I didn't put up a disclaimer when I mentioned the stereotypical WM/AF relationship. I figured that by & large the blogs readers would drawn in information with a pinch of salt. Referring to differences between black Americans & black Africans, well that'll be a long one. Hopefully not as long-winded as this post, but certainly requiring more space than this comment box. Stay tuned :)

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  8. We're talking about different people from different continents with different cultures.

    I found this comment by Ankhesen very interesting because it made me go back to the few months I lived in the States. I am Dominican, 100% Latina, a very proud Blacktina. I felt more comfortable dating latino guys, because we had the same language and had more cultural similarities, being away from home it was sort of my way to feel secure (being a teenager I wanted to stay within my safe zone). And I would get the most hideous stares in the street because ppl thought that I was a sister dating outside of my race.

    Black American, Black Latinos, Black Africans, Black Islanders, different countries, different continents, different cultures, being "Black", OF COURSE, goes beyond the skin, the big appendices for the guys, the huge asses for the ladies (I mean, God! Mine barely qualifies as a "bum")... and is a lovely journey to try to discover everything lying within that

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    1. Black American, Black Latinos, Black Africans, Black Islanders, different countries, different continents, different cultures, being "Black", OF COURSE, goes beyond the skin

      Bingo. Nailed it.

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    2. Like KarMell, I'm Morena, but my family is mixed with so much stuff my mother says it's technically impossible for us to date outside our race. My father joined the Army when they came to the states, and I benefited from being surrounded by people of all races and for the most part didn't receive too much flack for dating outside "my race". At least I did until I went off to a predominately white university. That's when I discovered I was a novelty. The black girl who spoke Spanish. My first Asian boyfriend even admitted that it was what initially drew him to me. At school it became a struggle because I was too black for the Hispanic kids and not black enough for the black kids. A lot of people study the African vs African American question, but tend to neglect African American vs African other.

      ~Kilael

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  9. I forgive,not that I was ever upset about your post.

    It takes a big man to be honest about himself and you have taken such a big step in doing so. It's never easy doing ,but at the end, it will be worth it. We all make mistakes. It's a matter of people learning from it and not repeating it, which is exactly what you're doing.

    I also admire you for keeping an open mind. As general as this statement may seem, my mom would tell me( and still tell me as a full grown adult) "Not to accept the first thing someone put in your face". Back then, she was educating me and my siblings of not making a immediate conclusion about people,places ,things and even ideas before exploring it.

    Like Anonymous, Im a Southern bred African-American woman. Sometimes when I look at those stereotypes of Black people, Im like "That's not the Black people I knew". It's like because of who Iam, 'Im suppose to the stereotypes that she listed in her post. Where Im from , there are Black people who doesn't fit these negative images. They are college graduates working as lawyers, doctors, accountants and are entrepreneurs.Even if they weren't in these positions, I didn't look down on them and didn't think that it was " a Black thing".

    I lived in a mostly White community and I remembered being sent to my folks house in the Black community and I was in awe about going there...going in their "mansions"( ok, the homes were really big,but that what I thought they were at the time) and just being around all these well to do Black people was fascinating. I also remembered my grandpops talking to me about Black people and Black history. He thought that it was very important that we did..to learn the truth our past, present, future,but mainly he wanted me to be proud of my culture and myself.

    When I look back, I was happy that my parents and grandfather did what they did. Too often people do accept the first things that are put in their faces without exploring the truth about it. There are people who will play experts thinking they know everything about us without having any contact or being Black people. That is what I do admire about you. You're exploring and learning more about the true Black diaspora.,Not only that but you've took a step further by living among the people( I have yet to go out of the country. Ive always wanted to.Somehow, I have to get over my fear of planes..lol!).It's a great thing that you're not letting mass media educate you about the world.I wish that were others like you as they let TV be their path of educating them about the real world.

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