10.01.2012

Huy Le: What Yo Man Gotta Do With Me?

Blogger Huy Le talks about his wife constantly being hit on:

About every other day, Jameelah comes home and tells me which guys hit on her. “So I was at the gas station today, and this one kid comes up and was all like ‘hey, you got a boyfriend?’ So I said, ‘I’m married,’ and he was like ‘What yo man gotta do with me?’”

She gets hit on a lot, everywhere: “So this one cashier at Safeway…” “So this one dude with sagging pants…” “So this Moderate Republican with a wooden leg…” I am not at all threatened, because why would anyone choose ramen, when they can have caviar? OK, that’s a bad analogy, because we’re vegetarians and don’t eat fish eggs. Why would you choose an Otter Pop, when you got Purely Decadent Peanut Butter Zig-Zag soy ice cream, which is so good, you’d think it’s made with unicorn tears? Actually, Otter Pops are pretty good too…

The point is, I am not too worried, since my wife can take care of herself. Women get hit on a lot more than men, and Black women seem to experience it even more frequently. Sometimes Jameelah comes home incredulous. As a married couple, we now pay little attention to our appearance outside of work and formal events. Most days, we don’t even comb our hair, and with our generally shabby clothing, we may be mistaken for Thriller reenactment zombies or Mitt Romney at the press conference after the 47% video came out. “You won’t believe this,” she said, “I was at Taco del Mar, and this older guy asked for my number.” “Really?” I said. “Yeah,” she said, “I looked like this.” She pointed at her hair, which was sticking up in different directions. She was wearing a faded grey sweatshirt complete with spaghetti stains, and at least one eye was twitching from lack of sleep.

“So what did you do?” I asked. Jameelah’s strategy is to be courteous, while making it very clear that she is not at all interested. This usually works. “I told him thanks but that I was married. He was very nice about it.” “Well, that’s sweet,” I said, “it takes a lot of gut to approach someone.” “Not too sweet,” she said, “as I left he said I had a nice butt.”

The real challenges are when we are together, say at a club. Despite the ubiquity of interracial relationships in Seattle, the Black Woman Asian Man (BWAM!) couples are rare, so most people do not expect Jameelah and me to be together. This can cause some misunderstandings, such as Jameelah being hit on while I am right there with her, trying to drop it low. On occasions, I’ve had to push in, one time shoving a guy out of the way and giving him the Bruce Lee Death Glare. It has led us to compensate by engaging in sometimes inappropriate dancing to let all the other dudes know we’re together. “Quick,” she said, “some guy is looking at me. Rub up on me right now.” “What?” I said. “Just do it!” she said.

On the reverse, Jameelah makes it amply clear that she will “cut” any woman who tries to move in on her territory. This has never happened before, but it is sweet of her to tell me once in a while. Sometimes all the attention she gets makes me feel left out. The other day, she came back with another story about getting hit on. “Really?” I said, “Well, uh, me too! I was at Trader Joe’s trying to find Peanut Butter Zig-Zag ice cream, and, uh, this woman, um, was all like, ‘Hey, so, you, uh, you kinda cute, in an Asian Steve Buscemi sort of way…’ and I was like ‘oh hell no, my wife will cut you!’”

“I sure would,” said Jameelah, “I’d cut her bad.”

29 comments:

  1. This is HILARIOUS!

    Asian Steve Buscemi

    I'm done. This made my night.

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    1. Thanks, Amaya! I'm glad you got a kick out of that.

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  2. Steven Buscemi.....lol....to quote Peter Griffin "Every one of his teeth is in business for itself".

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    1. Steve Buscemi and his teeth give all of us hope that we too can be movie stars.

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  3. She pointed at her hair, which was sticking up in different directions. She was wearing a faded grey sweatshirt complete with spaghetti stains, and at least one eye was twitching from lack of sleep.

    ...The real challenges are when we are together, say at a club. Despite the ubiquity of interracial relationships in Seattle, the Black Woman Asian Man (BWAM!) couples are rare, so most people do not expect Jameelah and me to be together. This can cause some misunderstandings, such as Jameelah being hit on while I am right there with her, trying to drop it low.


    Now I'm done.

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    1. Yea, that one's never leaving my mind.

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    2. It is the most intriguing part.

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    3. Jameelah sometimes tries to make herself look shabby on purpose so she doesn't get hit on. Me, it just comes naturally.

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  4. I got a good laugh while reading this. Good post.

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    1. Thank you, Danni-Pooh. We humor writers live on comments like that. That, and Season 3 of The Walking Dead.

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  5. Insanely funny post. "Purely Decadent Peanut Butter Zig-Zag soy ice cream" *writes on lists of treats* ->I'm vegetarian needing variety :( <-

    “I sure would,” said Jameelah, “I’d cut her bad.”

    LOL

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    1. "Asian Steve Buscemi"

      Bawhahahahaha!

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    2. "Insanely funny post"! You just made my day, thank you :)

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  6. Im laughing at Huy's story like crazy.Im thinking about the part where he talks about the one legged moderate Republican guy.

    I know that some of us can relate to this story, I know I can. When I go with my brother, or other members of my family some place, there be some guy just trying to get my number in front of their faces. Though he's not the kind of guy who would go off on them for doing it, he tell them who he was and just ask didn't have anything else better to do than being perverts? I've learned that some guys..and even some women..could care less. I 've had guys to hit on me with their wives in the car. It bugged me.

    The boyfriends that I had, along with me were like this: you can look,but definitely don't touch. My rules still apply for the next guy I date/marry. Hopefully, he will have the same feelings

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    1. "...don't have anything else better to do than being perverts?"

      Your brother just gave me a comeback line. Thank you.

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    2. It's amazing what women have to deal with. Getting hit on constantly. And giving birth!

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  7. Women get hit on a lot more than men, and Black women seem to experience it even more frequently.

    We do...but it's not necessarily happening in a good way.

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    1. Ankhesen, I'm sorry to hear that. Flirting should be fun, not cause people anxiety. We guys have a lot to learn.

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  8. Another hilarious contribution from Huy Le. Love his confidence and humble attitude!

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    1. Thank you, joyful. I just discovered how to comment on this website! For a blogger, I suck at the internet.

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  9. Oh God how I love reading Huy Le's posts.

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    1. Issued him an invitation to post these directly. I think he's still a bit gun-shy.

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    2. Then he needs to bring the pain.

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    3. I am bringing the pain! Just joined as the newest Narrator.

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  10. "Jameelah being hit on while I am right there with her, trying to drop it low."

    queue mental image of him bent over twerking in front of his wife

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    1. modest-goddest, I just learned what "twerking" is, thanks to you. That's exactly what I do at the club after five or six mojitos.

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  11. I'd cut her bad...haha...I understand...this is a cute very cute...

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