Things Blasians need to stop doing by the end of 2012

I know I just did a post, but today is December 1, 2012 and we've got 31 days to cut out some bad habits developed over the past several years.  Feel free to add to the list, but I'm going to start with these:

#1 - Gentlemen, stop making shirtless AMBW videos.

I get it - believe me, I do.  Asian men are rendered invisible/emasculated in American society, so some will hit the gym and hop onto YouTube to assert their masculinity and desirability - I understand.

Find another way to do it, will you?

In my humble opinion, this trend is tacky and cheesy, and ultimately ineffective especially when the speaker is trying to provide some serious social commentary about the Blasian situation.

If you want to show off the masculinity and sexuality of Asian men, then do some tasteful photo spreads or start a web series that looks like some work went into it.  Remember this right here?

But if you want to seriously discuss racial and sexual issues, put your clothes back on and talk or start a blog.  I remember when I was first avidly recruiting writers for the Narrative, I reached out to some of the men who did videos like these and when most didn't seem interested in a stuffy writing job, Hateya wisely remarked that many of these men were simply preoccupied with self-promotion.

Which brings me to the second item on our the list.

#2 - Ladies, stop going online and asking Asian internet personalities/celebs/artists if they like sistahs.

So what if they do (or don't) like sistahs?  Odds are they won't be dating you, so that particular little tidbit is unnecessary.

Folks need to keep in mind that these guys are in the public eye, hustling and struggling to get their names out and to make their mark.  Some want to be musicians, some want to be actors, some want to be comedians - all have to be diplomats and say the right thing to amass a sufficient fan base.

In other words, much of what they're doing on the page, on the canvas, or on screen has nothing to do with their personal lives off screen.  I was extremely disappointed in the meltdown Black women had the day they found out TenchiJK's girlfriend wasn't black.  It gave me unpleasant flashbacks to the same meltdown they had when John Mayer said his penis was a white supremacist and he didn't go for black women.

Um...let it go.

And by the way, gushing on their Facebooks about the huuuuuuuge crush you have on them  is exceedingly tacky as well.  It just screams "Desperate Lonely Black Woman."  If you're gonna go that route, at least have the decency to send a private message.

#3 - Stop using clichéd plotlines in Blasian media.

No more asking if these two not-so-different people who are of the same species and from the same planet can get along.  Before white folks got all up in our cultures, Africans and Asians didn't ask dumb questions like these.  Humans get along when we want to get along; this is a basic fact of our species.  In the old days, if an Asian man wanted to marry an African woman, all her parents would probably care to know was if he had the right number of goats, cows, and/or chickens to make the deal happen.  They didn't give a flying fuck about his penis size or how well he spoke English, or if he could ever get used to her hair texture.  People had priorities back then.

#4 - Stop producing shoddy Blasian media.

I'm gonna need Blasian authors in particular to get it together in 2013.  Think of the past several years as a rehearsal, a trial run where you could fuck up all you want (and Lord knows many have) as a way of doing research.  This is the Digital Age.  Get better book covers.  If friggin' filmmakers on YouTube can produce decent quality moving pictures on a nonexistent budget, I'm fairly certain authors can get a deviantART nerd to touch up a book cover, and a starving English major to go over some grammar.

#5 - Stop talking about "the totem pole".

I've never been attracted to an Asian man because I looked around myself, saw I was alone at the bottom of some totem pole with an Asian man, and figured, "Hey...since no one else wants us, why don't we make a go at it?"

Uh...plenty of people want us.  That's not the issue.  We're wantable and always have been.  And we were wantable long before white folks built the totem pole.

We need to have each others' backs, however, because we are oppressed peoples and we have to build a better world for our descendants - period.

One of the reasons the Blasian Narrative stands out is that we focus on empowerment, knowledge, and cultural pride.  Yes, we'll indulge our entertainment side, but we balance it with the creative and the academic.  We here to learn to love ourselves and one another in a platonic manner first, because a healthy, balanced friendship is a proper foundation for a long-lasting relationship.

#6 - Ladies, stop obsessing over the Koreans and only the Koreans.

Chris and Falco already covered this better than I ever could.

#7 - Gentlemen, stop leaving the ladies to do the heavy lifting.

Falco once praised black women for all the blogs, forums, and overall discussions we had going.  That's great but...we're going to need more from the men.  I need to see more Asian men start blogs like these or agree to write for them, comment on them, and just basically do more.  The Blasian movement isn't about self-promotion and getting physical validation.  That highly selfish route tends to attract the desperate, bitter, lonely black women.  For black women of quality, you need to be willing to focus on the bigger picture, and to help people move forward, not just yourself.


  1. all of these were right on the money...i do like the sexy body of a man of any race but i want to see it by myself after i get to know you...lol i think we find comfort in knowing that actual celebs support are "issue/cause"...the media thing oh boy i work in media so i know this first hand as well...and the can't get a man in ya own race so you go to asian thing...i hate it i hate it i hate it...i get play from different races and different genders and i don't even do girls lol so getting somebody is not the problem...it is a personal choice that i like asian and tropical looking males and i can't tell the difference between the asian no offense so i don't just go for koreans but for some odd reason that is the majority of who i meet and date...i like the article and am going to have to check out more of your work...thanks

    1. It'd be cool if you could do a post on BN describing your experiences and knowledge of working in the media field as a black woman. That would be interesting.

  2. Most of the AMBW videos I have seen on YouTube were shameless self-promotion from both sides of the equation. And why isn't there more spotlight on South Asian men (Indian)and Black Women? More Blindian couples need to come out of hiding and make some videos, I've only seen a handful. The first Asian male that caught my attention was Jay Sean.

  3. Once again, this is why I love The Narrative. It's not straight ogling over Asian men, and there's not a pining for our own 'Oppa' to be found. It's so refreshingly different. Keep up the quality work!

  4. Wow! Great job with the end year and agree. One thing I really like about the narrative is the educational side, especially when people add their knowledge to the discussion such as the poster who posted about the Hmong and the fact the narrative gives good perspectives overall. Keep it up.

  5. Interesting! It has to be said.

    It's diverse here (topics, etc), on the Blasian Narrative. I like that.

  6. *thunderous handiclaps*

    When I first knew anything about Blasian websites, I was happy to know that there were people who were supporting these couples as well as talking about Blasian related issues,but the more I read a few of them, the more that I suffered from brain drain. At least with some of them, I grew depressed of their blog/vlogs. The problem with some of them is that they lack maturity or purpose. Instead of being encouraged, I grew bored with some of them because of these missing qualities. Im with Leo on why I love this blog. It's about education, entertainment and love.

  7. "#7 - Gentlemen, stop leaving the ladies to do the heavy lifting.

    Falco once praised black women for all the blogs, forums, and overall discussions we had going. That's great but...we're going to need more from the men. I need to see more Asian men start blogs like these or agree to write for them, comment on them, and just basically do more. The Blasian movement isn't about self-promotion and getting physical validation. That highly selfish route tends to attract the desperate, bitter, lonely black women. For black women of quality, you need to be willing to focus on the bigger picture, and to help people move forward, not just yourself."

    HONESTLY Ankhesen Mié, Black women ARE the reason why this "Blasian Movement" even exist. All these blogs (most of them I enjoy, including this one) look like nothing but online fanclubs for asian men. Black women created this cyber movement and pushed it. So expect to be the ones "doing the heavy lifting".

    Ankhesen Mié, list one blog that ANY asian man ever created in honor of black women or BWAM couples. I can list 5 blogs created by white men right off the top of my head however. So yeah....

    Don't get me wrong I love these Blasian blogs and the Blasian Narrative but I hope that the black female audience are 100% aware that WE are more fascinated by "blasian" than asian men are. Have white, hispanic and asian women created any blogs dedicated to any particular race of men?

    1. I can and will only speak for this blog, and this blog isn't dedicated to solely to Asian men. I'll be honest; I don't go beyond this blog, and many of our readers here don't go outside this blog either.

      The modern Blasian movement has primarily been a fail of titanic proportions because it had the wrong foundation. We had a lot of lonely, bitter people who'd bought into the Totem Pole Mentality and were creating online spaces based that mentality.

      Our focus is education and media analysis. The foundation of the relationships we try to build here are platonic. We have a highly diverse writing staff spanning three continents. We don't strictly focus on sex, dating, and relationships; we focus on history, culture, and society. And while the focus on the blog is Asian men and African women, the driving force is to rebuild and improve Afro-Asiatic relations overall. Most of our commenters are female, true, but many of them are Asian as well. In fact, I've gotten to the point where I'm actually surprised when commenters reveal their ethnicities.

      As the founder and co-moderator of this Narrative, I find myself emailing, texting, chatting over the phone with a highly diverse group of people, not just black women. When I finally get involved in Skype - and I will - it'll all be over.

      My point? I honestly don't care about those fetish blogs and forums. I'm part of something so much bigger and better than that.

      You're welcome to be a part of that as well, but any anger, bitterness, or disappointment you feel has to be left at the door. This is a positive, welcoming environment, and we want to keep it that way.

      That's why this post was written to be funny, not angry.

    2. I would like to say thanks! I've learned a LOT from the site. Like the bloggers who work and live in these countries. I love hearing about their experiences. I have lived mostly in Europe and did not even think that women of color (especially black women) went to Asia other than the military. And even though I love ninja movies I had never heard of Ninja Assassin until this site. I did not know what a kpop was either. I don't think I will ever get into it, but at least I now know it exists. Thanks!

  8. Obviously not being a member of this community I can't comment on your other points, but I am torn as it pertains to shirtless men. As a romance writer I can tell you that those covers, which we call man titty, are VERY popular across ethnicities. If left to me, I wouldn't have any people on the cover of my books, but those don't sell nearly as well. Or at least they haven't in the past. It is possible that the popularity of Fifty Shades of Grey will change that,

    1. As a romance writer I can tell you that those covers, which we call man titty, are VERY popular across ethnicities.

      We get that. We're just saying they need to be better quality covers.

    2. Roslyn we're still waiting on more Blasian romances from you.

    3. Trying to sell Milk and Honey (Black American woman/Vietnamese American man. Waiting to hear back from one publisher. If they don't buy it, then I'll self pulish it in the spring.

  9. anonymous J

    "#5 - Stop talking about "the totem pole" I literally cringe when I come across a comment like this. I started coming to your blog because I was interested in traveling to China, Korea, Vietnam. I am also fascinated by the sociological aspect of Blasian relationships. What will be the long term implications of intermarriage between Asian's and people of other races? How will we define race in the not so distant future, with countries like China moving forward economically, how will it impact people, countries, cultures? I think about questions like this. Some of the blogs I have come across are really good and informative, and some are rather entertaining, and some are not so great. I do agree with you Ankh that more than dating should be discussed, and other aspects of culture should always be a part of the discussion.

  10. ALL OF THIS! Something needs to be done about it. Number 6 is definitely the one. Korean men are definitely not the only Asian men on the planet. How I see it is when you fetishize a particular group of men you not only alienate the other groups of men, but you uphold these unrealistic standards that simply might have you crashing face first. So what if the guy is Korean? He's nothing like your idol. That's all I wanted to add.

    1. And das racist, as we already know. Haha.

  11. RE: Shirtless guys, I ignore shirtless youtubers just like I ignore guys with shirtless profile pics on dating sites, to me it just screams narcissistic man whore

    RE: men doing more of the heavy lifting
    I'm seeing Asian men doing their own thing, featuring relationships with African women in their videos/comedy routine, actually dating women. So less on the collective level but a lot on the individual level and a lot as far as media representation.

  12. Brava Ank! Great observations might I add for the men: assuming that dating a "strong independent" black woman (btw not all of us are that nor wear that as a badge of honor and that is ok) means she isn't a woman to be treasured and sometimes taken care of too. There are plenty of black women in between so strong that everyone feels entitled to lay their burdens on her and a gold digger.

  13. #2- And some black women don't only beat Asian men over the head with this question.

    There's a constituency of black women who seem to be in such dire need of something--male validation?--that they pose this question to any non-black man who says or does anything even remotely deferential in regard to black women. Why? It's silly. I'm a black women, and I don't like ALL black men. Many I do, and some I do not. Anything beyond that seems unreasonable.

    And then, that question is almost invariably followed by, "What do you think of black women's 'natural' hair?".

    As if some strange man's opinion about the texture of the hair that grows out of your head carries any value whatsoever in this universe.

    I cringe.

    #1- Excluding some kind of artistic installation, when did it become appropriate to present one's self in a public forum such as Youtube half-naked? Tacky, indeed.

    I think the problem is that a lot of these folks are young, and simply haven't thought through the implications and/or consequences of what they are doing.

    1. Most people (non-blacks) don't have a clue what natural is let alone have feelings about it!

      As for the half-naked pictures; women today think they have to display the goods to be accepted. They see celebrities doing it and think that is the route to go.

    2. "There's a constituency of black women who seem to be in such dire need of something--male validation?"

      Much like the black women* who were upset that all of Tiger Wood's side-pieces were white. *head desk* So what if he did have one 'sista' in the harem....is that really something to be proud of? Ladies, let's do better for ourselves in 2013. PLEASE.

      Man, that was one very ugly moment in Black Herstory.

      *I encountered at least one. They exist. *shudders*

  14. Glad to see the convo's kept going. It's been excruciating to be without internet.


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