3.06.2014

Singleness

So this post is extremely late. I've been meaning to discuss the topic around Valentine's Day but my schedule has been extremely hectic. Even my youtube hasn't had any new videos lately. Oh well.

BTW, this advice applies double to anyone looking to meet someone online (ambw groups, I'm looking at you lol).


Singleness. And why you should embrace it.


I actually taught a Sunday School lesson on this to some of the teens I work with (don't worry, it won't be too preachy). Its interesting to see the parallels between them and adults. Seems the struggle for intimacy with another doesn't age gracefully. Lets tackle the obvious though.

Why do we pursue relationships so heavily?

It could be a combination of culture pushing relationships and happiness as being relative. Maybe it could be to cover up an insecurity in our lives or childhoods. Maybe its just better than being alone.

The end result ends up with drama, heartbreak, lust, regret, basically the crap you could find on social networks nowadays.

So singleness is better, for the time being.

It seems that developing and focusing on one's self is not a popular or even common choice. In pursuing someone however, it is the best route. It is much easier to grow and mature in all aspects when your focus is solely on you and not divided on a significant other. It allows you to achieve your goals and develop quality standards.

I would never recommend dating someone you don't see yourself marrying simply because in all likelihood, there's not much room for a happy outcome. Plus, for any naysayers that would argue about dating to know someone, how much more can you learn about someone dating that couldn't be learned from being a friend? Honestly?

Save the heartache, grow, have higher standards, and reach goals. You attract essentially what you are. And to anyone who doesn't have many prospects, know that low prices attract many customers while only those that can afford it receive the best of the best.

So love yourself. Love yourself enough to be enough of a person without the relationship. Good things come in time, but be ready to receive the good otherwise it does you no good.


With love,
Christopher Phiouthong

IG: ChrispyAKAKon

13 comments:

  1. Thank you for this post. I agree with this. My church was doing a sermon on living a healthy single life and it addressed people idolizing marriage and relationships. There is always pressure for women of any age to be in relationships. I'm trying to unprogram myself from the message.

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  2. Great post. I think it's timely for me as I'm at the age where it seems like everyone I know is getting married/having children. The side effect of this is everyone starting to ask you why you aren't, what's wrong (hi mom -_-), etc. It can be frustrating, but I think we forget that this is a time to better ourselves, and I think the reason we forget is because (especially for women like Amanda said) society tends to hold marriage/children above all other accomplishments. Like you said, (though it's sometimes hard) you've got to love yourself. :)

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  3. Seems the struggle for intimacy with another doesn't age gracefully.

    Beautifully stated. And no, it really doesn't.

    This is an awesome post, Kon, and timely as well. We have got to stop stigmatizing and villifying single people. All it does is drive a wave of people who are financially unstable, and mentally and emotionally unprepared into the dating scene. Singlehood should embraced as a time self-reflection and dedicated self-improvement. The irony is that if more people took that time and made that improvement, the dating scene would also improve.

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  4. All it does is drive a wave of people who are financially unstable, and mentally and emotionally unprepared into the dating scene.-THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!

    And what does that do? Leads to divorce! I tried explaining this to someone a while ago. You need to improve yourself FIRST instead of looking for someone else to do it for you. People who have serious problems that they think will disappear with marriage. Guess what? It doesn't! Get yourself together TOTALLY and then date. Its like watching the train leave the station knowing its going to wreck down the line. And you are right the dating/marriage scene would improve a lot of everyone did this!

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  5. I'm in my early 40s and I embrace my singleness just fine.

    A lady and I was talking about a similar subject such as the one on here. There was three things I told her about me :Not having a husband isn't going to kill me, nor is not dating is "weird " and if I haven't had any kids by 35,I'm not having any.

    I haven't dated a lot in my past and felt that I would have made a big mistake marrying my ex-fiance. Back then, I was doing what society says to do. Women have to marry and have kids or they'll branded as old maids. If you're going to marry, you should do because you're ready to commit, are mature enough to handle the realities of marriage or marrying for the right reasons. For some folks, they do to conform to the status quo.

    By now ,I should be desperate to date but I'm good. I guess that it doesn't bother to be single is that I don't want any added baggage and because with AIDS and all of the diseases in this world, it makes me even less eager to do it.

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  6. These days, more than any other time in my life, I have found myself trying to find a way articulate why me singleness/aloneness is more of a problem for others not me. I will marry only when I find someone worth marrying. The article below has helped me silence folks on my choice to seek my higher self while being open to meeting my match.

    http://www.binarymag.net/495/aloneness-loneliness/

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  7. This post was everything. I LOVE my single state. I love it, because I am growing and learning more about myself and what (& who) I want in my life. I'm comfortable in my skin and not under anybody's definitions or restrictions. I so agree with every word of this, Kon. Kudos.

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  8. Awesome. I have nothing to add to the discussion :)

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  9. I completely agree with this. And to be honest you learn more in a close friendship than in dating since people tend to hide their flaws when dating and trying to impress someone. In a friendship flaws are accepted yet you are pushed to improve them if its a healthy friendship.

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  10. "I would never recommend dating someone you don't see yourself marrying simply because in all likelihood, there's not much room for a happy outcome."

    This is something I've said in previous conversations with friends and loved ones as well and you know, it causes some of the strangest looks (especially if one adds - "there's no reason to sleep and/or live with someone I'm not married to either." - it saddens me that being a virgin seems to have bad connotations with it now). It's blessing to see the same sentiment shared though - good stuff!

    "Save the heartache, grow, have higher standards, and reach goals. You attract essentially what you are. And to anyone who doesn't have many prospects, know that low prices attract many customers while only those that can afford it receive the best of the best."

    Amen and amen. Too often, with the passing of time comes the lowering of standards. Both over one's lifetimes (for some) and in society.

    There's a news broadcast that came on tonight speaking of "Millennials" (Generation Y, of which I'm a member) and how, apparently, we are attached to our technology, more secular than past generations and are showing quite the increase in sexual indiscretion, etc. With that last part in mind, it seems the above quote is something more need to hear. It could help nip the path to a whole lotta heartbreak in the bud for many. Especially for those discovering the fact that they enjoy their own company more than they do others' (and so don't mind solitude, but feel the need for a relationship due to external pressure from others among family, friends, society, etc).

    This entry was fantastic. Wouldn't change a thing :) Thank you so much for sharing it.

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  11. I agree with everythIng in this article except for the dating part. In my opinion, dating help people know what they want in relationship. Its not completely pointless.. Dating doesn't mean you're selling yourself short to others. And people ARE different whether they're just friends or in relationship.

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