5.29.2014

Rant: Isla Vista Killings (and some General Stuff)

Greetings, dear Readers. It's been awhile since my last post on TBN. And I've missed the crowd ^_^ Been busy with my final uni semester, only 2 weeks left! I was planning on contributing after the exams were done with, but recent events have triggered a wave of bullshit emotions that I felt would be better let off here.

So we have some 22-year old fella by the name of Elliot Rodgers. I'm not going into the details, as I'm sure you're all informed of them. I simply wish to observe & remark, for what it's worth.

Rodgers is clearly chock full of wholly-undeserving entitlement, elitism, male-privilege, white supremacy & internalized racism. And that's just the summary. Much has been said over these elements, as Ballisto did immediately before me. What ticked me off was Rodger's incessant video whinings about how he was still a virgin & how women just weren't attracted to him; the cosmic irony being that he drove a Beemer & wasn't all that bad-looking. His mentality of deserving pussy (pardon moi) BECAUSE he's got money & a nice car is sadly commonplace enough (Heaven knows I've seen enough of that at home & abroad) and flipping over the fact he doesn't get any is the icing on the cake.

No, the videos triggered old memories to come forth. I wasn't very popular myself; I cracked jokes to amuse my peers, realizing in retrospect that they were probably laughing at me as well as at the jokes. I was (and still am in some respect) socially awkward, especially around girls. My eccentricity meant few people got what I said, or how I thought. In elementary I was dubbed 'retard' (plus I was a WILD child) junior & high saw me mature into 'weirdness' as I liked to ruminate over religion & philosophy rather than indulge in the latest happenings (I was also battling a porn addiction back then) College & uni was another variation of the same theme; I sure as hell remained celibate for the first 3 years or so. Left & right people were boot-knocking and bragging like there was no tomorrow ( the bragging was unpleasant to listen to, simply because of the terrible spoken language) Though I admit I lost my virginity a handful of years before Rodger's 22, that was for a long while pretty much it. Society's pop shallowness saw me as not fitting that ideal image of a man, and in turn infected me as well; something that I'm working on ridding myself of. I recall the times I made clumsy passes at girls (oh God 0_0) and was rebuffed. Or my curtness made the opposite sex treat me coolly at arm's length. True, they were usually physically attractive women, but that has more to do with the fact that individuals who are socially-perceived as attractive tend to have bigger egos due to the attention they receive. I was bullied as well at points in time (I'm ashamed to say, I bullied others as well in a vicious cycle) Fuck sake's, I came off as a creep! (cue Radiohead song)

And you know what? I couldn't care less. It may have affected me in the immediate aftermath of the instance (pretty embarrassing to be rejected in front of others) but I trundled on. I didn't grow to hate those beautiful girls and the studly types they gravitated towards (noting this, the whole bad-boy asshole concept seems to be mostly hit but some misses as well, judging books by their covers) nor did I mope about not getting laid. I don't blame women, feminism and society for my failings. I try my damned best to correct these flaws when possible, adhering to the Golden Rule. I learned to overcome whatever doubts & prejudices within (some still linger) and accept others for who they are, and discovered a world of such beauty & majesty in the midst of agony & suffering that I'm thankful for what I experienced. And for all my social awkwardness, I made friends over the years; some who've come & gone but others who've stood by me. My experiences have made me the man I am today; for yea or nay. TBN and my attraction towards WoC is one of those experiences, or rather aspects of my life, seeing as how social groups aren't just experienced but lived as well.

I have one thing in common with Rodgers, after looking at things. Both of us are not mentally sound (please bear with the negative stigma associated with the term; I can't explain it any other way) he had Asperger's, and I've ADHD. I was in denial for some time after the diagnosis but have come to terms and accepted it as it is, helped by therapy & medication. Hence why my rant is peppered with bracketed commentary. But he? Looks like he never progressed much. And for that, six blameless people have paid for it with their lives.

Thank you, good Readers for taking your time to read (or even breeze =P) through my rant. Heaven keep you safe now & always. Until later, take care.

11 comments:

  1. Thanks for sharing this side of you. Anyways as you said you were able to come to terms with your illness something Rodgers wasn't able to do, for he even refused to take in the medications he got.

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    1. Cheers. I think he was either unaware of how deep it ran, or ate too much of the denial cake. And the outcome brought sorrow to many in the end =/

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  2. This is great because on Ballisto's post we can discuss race and identity, while on yours we can talk about sex.

    We can talk about how Elliot Rodger is a classic example of what happens when men place way too much importance on sex. I've always stated sex is a biological function like any other, like eating or sleeping. However, unlike the other bodily functions, sex is the least important. Being a virgin - at any age - won't kill you. Going years without sex won't kill you.

    By try going without food or sleep for one full week and let me know how that works out for you. Try going to your job, dealing with your kids, or studying for your classes with no food or rest.

    We can also talk about how Elliot Rodger is a classic example of when men - brown or white - place too much value on one kind of woman. A while back we had a long talk about Yellow Fever and how White Fever's an even bigger problem, but we never even hear that term in everyday society. Elliot Rodger had severe White Fever; his was so bad that he only wanted a specific type of white girl. A size 8 brunette or ginger simply would not do. No woman of color even need apply (not that we would for the likes of Elliot, but you get where I'm going with this).

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    1. I concur, it's the least vital part of human survival. True, unless one's asexual a lack of sex is plausibly unhealthy, but I've yet to hear anyone popping off because they couldn't get some.

      At the risk of sounding foolish, y'know how men always go on about never being able to understand women? I agree to an extent with that sentiment, but I'd say the same when it comes to the male ego; the desire to hump as many as possible being the tip of the iceberg. My theory is that it's a remnant of prehistoric times, that whole 'spread your genes as far & wide as possible'. Which I admit makes no sense in the present time.

      Sadly enough, that's true as well. I see where you're coming. Rodgers had such a narrow conception of what constitutes as his 'perfect woman' (for a lack of a better term) that she had to be blonde and most likely blue-eyed. The first thought I had when I read his manifesto on the subject was one word, said in a snarky, sarcastic, and derisive subconscious voice-

      'überfrau'

      What's frightening is the sheer pervasiveness of this mentality. Perhaps not as full-blown as his was, but it's there. Both white and MoC have it bad. I'd like to say that could be the case for women, but I'll leave that to the other contributors.

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  3. Nice post. It's a personality thing more than anything. The choices one makes. Responsibility for ourselves.

    Rodgers didn't kill these women out of sexual frustration or mental disorders. He did so because of his personality and revengeful mentality. But I'm not going to talk about Elliot Rodgers, I'm done with that topic.
    Well, I don't think that men deliberately chose to place too much importance on sex, society is already bad enough for that anyway, I think it's a combo of a sex drive raging and social stigma infecting them. Like... I didn't choose to be self-conscious about my body but society infected me with all their standards. Now, my job is to work on that and not let it affect me too much, I'm all for taking responsibility. But you see what I mean and not everyone manage to get to a point where they freed themselves from those things at a very young age where most teens/young adults want to fit in.
    I agree that going years without sex won't kill anyone. But as much as I'm doing fine as a single woman, there are some people (in their 20s and up) who consider intimacy and companionship as a need because *never* having those things affect their mental health, self-esteem and sociability to an extent. You know like some people want to get married so bad but others don't give a sh*t.
    I feel bad for disagreeing here, sorry if I came off as splaining.
    And I totally agree on white fever and fetishizing one single kind of person.

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    1. "I think it's a combo of a sex drive raging and social stigma infecting them."

      The bizarre thing is, social stigma and the likes have produced such fuckery in people. And in the US, with its 2nd Amendment, that is catalyzed into a recipe for unimaginable disaster, in the long run.

      "Not everyone manage to get to a point where they freed themselves from those things at a very young age where most teens/young adults want to fit in."

      "Affect their mental health, self-esteem and sociability to an extent."

      Society seems to disregard those who can't achieve those things, and it contributes to the already-growing problem.

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    2. I think it's a combo of a sex drive raging and social stigma infecting them.

      You know...I tend to give the side-eye to the "sex drive" argument. Women who aren't asexual are just as sexual as their male counterparts, if not more so at times. We like sex too. We want sex too. The clitoris is far more sensitive than the penis, and we are capable of mind-boggling, hip-shattering multiple orgasms.

      We don't have male privilege though, so a lot of us can't express our sexuality without it coming back to haunt us in various ways. The "slut" label can be more damaging than people think - it can affect how our friends and families interact with us, how potential employers treat us (if a town is small enough), and how prospective mates view us once they realize we're no prude. People talk down to promiscuous women, like they're subhuman idiots or something. Promiscuous women are also at a higher risk of rape because men like to assume that they like it, they're "dumb sluts anyway", and that their consent is somehow magically irrelevant, and their choice of lovers is utterly unimportant.

      Then there are the pesky little biological factors, like monthly menstruation, which most men find utterly disgusting and would prefer to pretend doesn't exist. And that tiny little issue of pregnancy which we can experience, but men can't.

      In short, we're horny too. Because of numerous social factors, women have no choice but to handle our sex drives differently.

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  4. But as much as I'm doing fine as a single woman, there are some people (in their 20s and up) who consider intimacy and companionship as a need because *never* having those things affect their mental health, self-esteem and sociability to an extent. You know like some people want to get married so bad but others don't give a sh*t.
    I feel bad for disagreeing here, sorry if I came off as splaining.


    Not at all. I should've clarified that I wasn't talking about intimacy or companionship. Just sex. I think many men subscribe to its importance, to the bragging rights of scoring, the self-consciousness about being a virgin after a certain age, etc. Meanwhile, they too know good and perfectly well sex is not nearly as important as society makes it out to be. We just don't have nearly enough men speaking up and stating so. And a lot of us women - myself included - have used not getting any as a way to make fun of a man and cut him down to size.

    I don't know how many Joss Whedon fans we have in attendance tonight, but some of you will recall the Angel episode "Billy", in which we're introduced to a human/demon hybrid named Billy who has the horrifying ability to make men lose all rational thought and beat/kill the nearest woman. The episode's theme has to do with misogyny, of course, and near the end, Billy is telling Cordelia he doesn't hate women. "I don't hate women. I mean, sure you're all whores who sell yourselves for money or prestige, but men are just as bad. Maybe even worse. They're willing to throw away careers or families or even lives for what's under your skirt." That always stuck with me. It resonated just how much importance we've placed on sex - mainly for men, because in many ways it's still unseemly for women - and Elliot Rodger's hyper-irritation at being a virgin is a perfect example of that.

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    1. Oh, I get it now, I didn't see it this way. And that's even more interesting, it's an important issue.
      That's true, herd mentality has a big influence, bigger than society's. Some guys like bragging when in group, sometimes exagerating stuff, so it doesn't help the others who don't really feel the same but want to catch up with that sh*t.

      Your quote from Billy is sadly scary. Though I do wonder if having an affair equates to throwing away one's family and/or job in a man's mind. Because those who cheat usually think that they'll get away with it, especially in the conservative families.

      Back to Zydar's post, I think the notion of empathy with people in general as in getting to know them, seeing them as humans and liking them for who they are is key and very important for anyone. You have to like people in order to connect with them, including seducing them.

      A quote from Edward Hong's blog:
      "[...] As corny as this shit may sound, love is the only answer. When I have urges to show the ones who wronged me nothing but my vengeance, I try so hard to show them compassion instead. [...]"
      Obviously he also said he sometimes did fail so hard at doing this because he's human. But I found this quote really cool, especially in reaction to the Elliot Rodgers' case.

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    2. Correction: "You have to like people in order to connect with them, including when you want to seduce them. " Dunno if my wording was clear.

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    3. ...And I get the link with Elliot Rodgers, I only thought in a general perspective in my previous post, as I didn't put the dots together that he did throw away his life. Your quote does have all its dimension in this context, and is sadly true even in everyday life as putting sex before everything always backfires someday, in someway indeed.

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