4.19.2015

Stalked

My two year anniversary of living and I mean LIVING in Korea is fast approaching. Being here has been a roller coaster of experiences and emotions. Of course, as a black female in Asia, life comes with its own challenges. Some of these challenges are known to us before we arrive: people fascinated with your hair, people touching your skin, some staring at you as if you were less than, some rejecting you because of your appearance; while at the same time you're treated like a rock star.

One of the challenges that has become all too real, but is rarely spoken about is being stalked. Since I've been living here in Korea, many of my black female friends and associates have been stalked, sometimes to the point of them having to leave their apartments and relocate, seek police protection, and in some cases arm themselves.




When these women seek police advice and protection they hit brick walls. Why? Their stalkers are Korean and it goes without saying...Korean over foreigner any day. The language barrier has a lot to do with how far you're going to get in these type of situations. In many cases where these women have armed themselves, once the police found out, they are threatened to be charged with carrying an illegal weapon. In another case, a female nearly lost her job after an alleged stalker called her place of employment claiming she was mentally unstable after not returning his phone calls and texts. This guy went as far as to meet with her Korean boss to explain his case.

These stalkers are rarely if at all prosecuted and properly dealt with, so they are in a sense "still at large".


Dating etiquette is very different here and often times guys feel that after two meetings or encounters, they now have the leeway to contact you everyday, every hour. I was not stalked, but one guy did text me incessantly after just one conversation over coffee. To top it off, he had a girlfriend who he claimed he only met twice a week because of their busy schedules. He was constantly messaging me asking how my day was, what I had eaten, what I was watching...it became too much, so I blocked him...then the Facebook messages started flooding in, so I blocked him from that too.

In the Brothas and Sistahs of South Korea Facebook group there have been posts warning females of certain Korean guys who are known to go too far.

Of course, not all Korean dudes are creepy stalkers, but the incidents of stalking against black females has become more and more in the  two years I've been here. So, just sending a word of caution. Korea is a safe place, but don't let your guard down. Until next time....

11 comments:

  1. Wow..that is scary. I sympathize with you.

    It's bad enough that there are stalkers and as well as other crimes being committed in the states..where you're barely believed but in someone else's territory..is even worse.

    There was a Blasian website, where the author..an Blasian man and Rhodes Scholar( I forget his name)..discussed his experiences about living in his Korean mother's country. In one of this topic, he discussed about getting in a fight with a Korean native and when he reported it to the police, he was almost dismissed What stopped his case from being thrown in the garbage bin was that he had a Korean friend who witnessed the ordeal and testified on his behalf.

    Even in the states, my mom would tell me that if I'm ever in a situtation where it's a Black/non-Black situation, to hope that you have a White person by your side because chances are you're rarely believed. It's not right whatsoever,but some people will put their race and/or culture over common sense and you mentioned it on here " Korean over foreigner". Just maybe..just maybe you increase your chances of being believed if there is a native who seen , witness and will testify on your behalf. I was just thinking that when people travel to foreign countries, they worry about crime . I wonder do some of them may consider the " foreign-friendlieness" of law enforcement? That is something I may think about if I left the states. It's bad enough that it's hostile here.

    I was reading a story about dating etiquette and one things they said about foreign women being in Korea and .. other countries for that matter...strange,but understandable is if they have big breasts to be careful because they stalkers may come out but I didn't know a growing number of Black women dealing with this problem..man. then again..a sick man just seeing their victims as theirs.



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    1. Indeed scary. And sadly M this is not just Black/non-Black situation. I have been to a lot of countries and the host country always side with their own. Whenever you travel you should not let your guard down. To many people believe that nothing bad can happen while on vacation. A big mistake. I have seen a lot of whites get screwed in other countries.

      I don't let it deter me from traveling though. And you shouldn't either. I keep my eyes open to what is going on around me and keep it moving.

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  2. If I were planning to live in Korea long-term, I would take the activist route.

    1 - Like in many countries around this fucked up planet of ours, violence against women (rape, assault, harassment) in Korea is a serious problem. So right there...allies. Native-born allies who know what you're going through, allies who've even endured worse, sometimes for decades, but because of the cultural code of silence (and good old-fashioned sexism), have been unable to do much. It would be great to start an online support group which then grows to meet in person regularly to discuss experience and strategy (and build language skills).

    2 - After building an all-female network, buddy up. Oh we live near each other? I'll film your stalker and you can film mine. We can upload that shit to YouTube together, start a whole channel about that shit, share the footage at our meetings.

    3 - Get more involved in local politics. Confront politicians with the problem and organize lobby for the right to carry non-lethal weapons and practice hand-to-hand self-defense.

    4 - Network with female lawyers, get a crowd-funded database going. Next time it's me, stalker dude, and cops talking that threatening shit, I will have a Korean lawyer present.

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    1. Great advice that I would carry with me abroad.

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    2. @Ankh- Did you hear about the law was just passed in Korea where sex with anyone over 13!!!!! is okay as long as there is consent.

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    3. Wow.. if that is true,its just showing you how the world is changing..and not always for the better.

      I couldnt have any boyfriends until I was 15,but had my first boyfriend at 21. Some people may call me a prude for what Im about to say,but there is no way I would NEVER..and I mean NEVER..EVER sign any papers giving my kids..boys or girls..permission to have sex..especially at that age..no way!

      Sex belongs to committed loving people...mature people. Rarely do kids know what love means. Though its normal to sexual feelings,I wouldnt want them to act on it at least until they are 18 and out of high school. The last thing they wouldnt want is AIDS or some other VD ,Teen pregnancy or be damaged goods at an early age.

      Right now,school ,going to college and getting a good job is what their focus should be on and as family oriented and conservative as Korean culture is,I cannot see Korean parent giving in to
      this and I wouldnt if I were them.

      I had friends who were sexually active too young.Im seeing the infortunate results of their past activities.

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    4. Oh it isn't the parents who give the consent, but the child! There was a case where a 40 year old man was sleeping with a 14 year old I believe. He got off because he said he "loved" the girl so it was okay. Its just as bad as some countries where the women are made to marry their rapists.

      http://netizenbuzz.blogspot.com.br/2015/04/court-says-sex-with-minors-over-age-of.html

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    5. O_O I sometimes read the Koreaherald and I haven't seen this news, maybe it was in another section. I just can"t...

      Thanks Silver Tiger for this reminder and insight on how things are handled there.

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  3. " I dont let it deter me from traveling though and you shouldnt either."

    No..I wouldnt let them deter me from going abroad,but you know what actually is keeping me grounded here in the states..HEIGHTS!..lol! With the exception of countries that I can get to by car or cruise ships, Im deathly afraid of heights but Im doing what I can to get over my phobia.I would rather get to my destination quicker by plane.

    I wouldnt take anything for granted if I lived/visited other folks countries. I have friends from other parts of their countries and one thing that I liked what they would tell me about their homelands was while I would learn about the beauty of them,they would also tell me about the beast of them as well.The way some tourists guides make it seem is that everything is good about it. Its even better when it comes from a Black perspective only because with some countries ,Black people may get the short end of the stick.

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    1. My mom is afraid of heights/flying, but she has been to Europe, Bahamas, Alaska, Mexico, and going to Puerto Rico this winter. Take baby steps if that means getting counseling to get over your fear then starting small with one hour flights.

      I would say have a couple of drinks, but the fact some guys have groped women on planes while they were sleeping suggest that isn't a safe idea.

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  4. *side-eyes Korea* Maybe not, no time soon anyway. I wouldn't be able to handle that without getting arrested and maybe deported.

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