Counting Down to 2016: New Year's Resolution #1

Okay, I feel like I haven't told one of my "stories" here in a long while, and I feel like I haven't done one of my New Year's Resolution posts in a long while.  So, without further ado, I want to combine the two with a story about my Asian male coworker whom we'll just call Adam.

Adam recently replaced someone else in the IT department at our company.  Now, when the other dude originally said, "Fuck it" and turned in his resignation, I'll be honest.  I lit incense and asked the gods if they could please-pretty-please let the corporate Powers That Be hire a cute Asian guy to replace him.

At the time, a couple of my coworkers were well aware of my attraction to Asian men, so when Adam was hired, they couldn't wait to tell me.  I, of course, remained cynical, because despite being a devout polytheist, I have noticed that on occasion, the gods will answer a prayer directly...only to fuck with the details.  They have a sense of humor to maintain, after all.

And when Adam was first hired, he was like a ghost.  I never saw him, hadn't been told his name yet, and for a couple of weeks, no one said anything about him.  There was no company memo announcing the arrival of a new employee, nor did he do the customary "greeting tour" where newbies are dragged from cubicle to cubicle for introductions.  So I simply refused to believe Adam really existed, until the head of IT mentioned him in passing during lunch one day.  Now, I should explain that Adam's real name sounds kinda Russian, so when I heard it, I rolled my eyes and was, like, "I knew it...it's another white dude."

But then...out of the blue one morning, I walk into work and nearly collide with a seriously adorable Filipino guy - tallish, on the slender side, very shy - and we both pause, as if to say, "Whaaaat...?"

Him: (quietly) Good morning. (takes one step and pauses)

Me: (blinking) Good morning. (stunned like a deer in headlights; racking my brain to remember what my face looks like this morning)

Him: (quietly) Hi.

Me: (still blinking) Hi.

We both resumed walking.

So, at this point, I wanted details.  I wanted to know his full name so I could look him up on social media, and because it's not always easy to gauge melaninated folks, I wanted to confirm his age.  But I care about my job and keeping my personal business private, so I talked with the mastermind behind Big Asian Package blog about how to handle this sitch delicately.

BAP: Duh, K...have an 'IT emergency'.  Get him to your cubicle and start talking.

Me: (blinking)  Yeah, I suppose that's a 101 move.

Anyone who works in an office knows that having an IT emergency these days is like breathing; shit breaks down so often where I am that it's no wonder the previous IT dude said, "Fuck it" and left.  Soon enough, I had Adam at my cube and laid on that pygmy charm to get him talking.  Despite some willingness to chat, Adam seemed painfully shy at times, and really young on top of that.  It's like the gods were saying, "Sure...here's half of what you asked for."

So for me, that was end of thinking about Adam...until Janine's last week.

Before Janine (Black girl, not her real name) left the company, she was giving out hugs and parting words wisdom.  To me, she advised that I should get married some day.  I'll be honest: I'm one of those blissfully happy singletons who can't picture herself in committed relationship.  Like, I can picture myself having sex with someone, sure, but the thought of dealing with that person day in, day out beyond that makes me a little woozy at times.  I expressed this, and Janine basically told me to STFU and at least entertain the notion, though she advised that finding a Black husband might be a bit difficult.  I blinked, realizing she hadn't gotten the memo.  That's when I explained, well, me.

Janine: Oh, no, no...I couldn't date an Asian man.  I'm not attracted to them like that.  (pauses)  Except Adam.  He cute.  (stares off into space for a moment and nods).  Mm.  He real cute.

Coming from Janine, this was extremely amusing.  There was a time when Black women in America would just say, "Oh hell, no."  Then "Oh hell, no" became "Well, maybe [insert Asian male celebrity]".  Now it's, "No, except for [insert Asian guy(s) actually they know in real life]."  Evolution, huh?

Back to my story.  By this time, Adam had been with us for months and had gotten comfortable enough to start wearing stuff like hoodies and khakis, rather than trying to dress to impress all the time.  He wasn't slicking his hair anymore; it was like he was just rolling out of bed and running his fingers through it or some shit.  He'd also developed a solid reputation as a fixer; he was always hooking us up with new tech and even solving shit that left his predecessor flummoxed.

So after Janine left, I noticed I'd started thinking about Adam all over again.  I still had no concrete plan to even attempt pursuing anything because of our jobs, and what I still feel would be too big an age difference (though I STILL can't tell his age for sure, because he has NO social media footprint, and never really talks much about himself specifically.  Like you can have a whole convo with this guy and still learn nothing).  Anyways, I felt me and my female lunch buddies could use a nice little chuckle to ease the stress of today, so I told them: "Today at lunch, I'm gonna tell y'all something that'll make you laugh.  In fact, you're likely to laugh every time you see me over the next few days" ('cause where we work, no one ever talks about dating in-house, mainly because our company is small enough to make even suggesting an office fling a huge scandal).

I started with the revelation that Janine had thought Adam was "real cute" which, sure enough, had them rolling (once they factored in her voice and mannerisms)...but then they ALL revealed that they too thought Adam was very attractive.  And then, it was like I'd released a floodgate: apparently, in our office, the single women, married women, Latina/White/Mixed/Black women had all noticed Adam.  My lunch buddies couldn't stop talking about sweet he is, his sense of humor, his hoodies, the fact that he's a smoker - like, there was nothing about this guy that the womenfolk didn't like.  They gushed about how comforting it feels whenever he comes over to their cubicles - in his hoodie - asking (in that soft, low voice) what's wrong, and then fixing it, without fail.

Then Lisa (White girl, not her real name), reminded us about that time she was recently stuck in an elevator when it died.  Now, when it had first happened, we'd been concerned because our elevators are trifling and we expect to die every time we use them.  When the lights went out and it randomly stopped moving and the doors didn't open, Lisa was rightly scared...but she also happened to be stuck with Adam.  So while one part of her brain was panicking, the half was looking upward and wondering, "Why answer this prayer directly if you just gon fuck up the details, tho?"

 Lisa: (trying not to panic) So...what do we do?

Adam: (who's usually really chill) *rattles off list of expletives* (whips out cell phone) *more panicked expletives*

Lisa: (blinking) Um...yeah, but I'm not sure that'll help...(pressing elevator Help and Call buttons; nothing happens...whips out cell phone)

A few seconds later, the elevator started moving again.

"The whole thing only really lasted, like, thirty seconds," Lisa winked, joking, "but it was thirty seconds of bliss."

We all burst out laughing, and now #30SecondsofBliss is my new nickname for her.

What is the moral of my story?  Well...if you must know, during my initial consultation with BAP, I may have slightly complained about dealing with the Great Wall of Shyness women encounter while trying to talk to Asian guys.  He reminded me that many Asian men live their lives generally (read: sexually) ignored by women for much of their lives, so shyness is often a result.  I think BAP may also have told me something to effect of, "Woman up and handle it," but that could just be my imagination.

Anyhoo...my point is, Asian men...in 2016, always remember that you are wanted.  Understand that there are hardcore cynics at your job lusting after you behind your back.  Realize that you very likely have an entire club fangirling you.  So don't be the shy guy who doesn't talk about himself at work.  Stroll up in that bitch every morning like dis right here is your own personal soundtrack and every single syllable was written just for you:


  1. Maybe he is shy. Or like me he doesn't mix his work with his personal. I always made it a point to be friendly with coworkers, but not overly friendly with them. They didn't need to know my business and I didn't ask about theirs.

    As for workplace dating I'm against it. Even if the company is large. Cause if sheet goes bad then you are stuck with that person until one of you leaves. My sister was in the situation years ago. When he started dating someone else she got up in her feelings about it cause she saw them together.

    I'm not saying don't go for it, but think it through. You know the deal. Make sure your goals, expectations, and all that line up together. And listen to your ex-worker. Entertain the idea of marriage. Cause let me get real. Sex for just sex is meaningless. Buy a sex toy if you need to get off. Too many women are just giving themselves away to end up feeling used in the end. And no don't get married to get married either. YOU will know if/when its right.

    1. Though I'm an optimist that you can find love anywhere and anytime..I'm with Lor on this. I've never believed in working around people that I know such as friends, boyfriends/fiances/husbands/ex's. Heck.. I don't even believe in working with my family and I don't even believe in working too near my home as I work almost 30 miles away from there out of fear that I will see someone I know and will get distracted.I don't know ..my biggest fear in working with someone I know is that our business will become the job business for some reason whether it is good/bad.

      Then part 2 of why I wouldn't date a man on my job..the women. They are to be eyeballing him also. Just imagine if " Adam " did ask you out. I can see a lot of jealous women your job ready to fight you because of what they couldn't get. Though you should be able to like what you like( and vice versa), idk...that would be too much drama for me. Otherwise, a part of me loves spontaneous wholesome love and hopes that it comes your way.

    2. Just imagine if " Adam " did ask you out. I can see a lot of jealous women your job ready to fight you because of what they couldn't get.

      LOLOLOLOL - I actually thought of that for a second and laughed out loud.

      I...may have enlisted the head of the IT department as an ally of sorts. He offered to confirm Adam's exact age for me, but there's no need. This morning at breakfast, I saw and casually asked, "Hey, 'Joe'...settle a bet for me: how old is Adam?"

      Joe: Oh, Adam? He's like 31-32.

      Me: (epic blink) Really???

      Joe: Yeah. Did you win the bet?

      Me: No. Lost by about a decade.

      Joe: No, no, no...Adam's nowhere near that young.

      Me: (makes mental note to light incense and chant "I'm sorry" a few dozen times)

    3. Me:( makes mental note to light and chant " I'm sorry" a few dozen times)

      With Asians..you really cannot tell their ages because any of them are youthful looking. You really can't tell who is older/younger in their community.

      I can't blame you for checking the age of him. Some women may do it and it may work for them but I just cannot see myself dating a man who is younger than me. All I can see are my younger brothers who are in their mid to late 20's. It just would seem perverted to me.

    4. "Some women may do it and it may work for them but I just cannot see myself dating a man who is younger than me."

      I agree. To each their own, but I see it as a waste of time. Its like when you see these old guys dating a 20 year old. He wants her young, but expects her to sit at home or go to the jazz club and be happy. I have the five down/ten up rule. Five years younger and ten years older.

  2. While I was reading this post, I was trying to count up the amount of Asian men I drooled over in my life..and it was more than I thought. I've crushed on several Asian men. Occasionally, I go down on memory lane of all of ..in this case.. Asian men that I " loved ". My neighbor occasionally teased me about about my "Scott"( I'll call him that) . He was my late grand aunt's home Chinese-American physical therapist and I'll have to give 'ol boy credit..he was an incredibly hot guy who was 10 years older than me( I was 25 ). My neighbor played detective by boldly asking him if he was married( he wasn't) and before she could get it out her mouth ..she was hinting around hi saying." You know that my young neighbor is single..."I could have went through the floor but I would change the subject. Scott was very nice and had a sexy deep voice.When he said that he would be back on so and so day to help my aunt walk ,I was like come as many times as you like. Course, I didn't directly tell him that, but it was wishful thinking.

    Then I worked at a library( which I have since quit because it was in a nice but at the same time, dangerous spot)surrounded by loads of Asian men, then I went to another spot..again ..surrounded with loads of good looking South Asian/Persian. It's been 13 years and after dealing with all of that hotness, I'm surprised that it haven't gotten distracted by it all. I mean , it's pure torture being around all of those men all day and everyday..lol!

    I'm not the kind of girl who would ask a man out..that will never be me,but when I think about one situation..I wonder what I missed out on.There was one Indian restaurant owner man who seemed to like but I regardless of his hotness and his gesture, I didn't entertain the thought. I just didn't think that Asian men..especially those from South Asia ,didn't date/marry out especially with Black women..then again I should have thought about my own familial background when my great grandfather married my great-grandmother and they married during the time where IR/AMBW wasn't the norm.

  3. Forgive me forgetting off the subject.

    I know that every time you see this there are "M"s all over your board ,but I'm cautiously..maybe shocked in joy about what I just read,but that joker Daniel Holtzclaw is going to prison..for a long time( crossing my fingers.. you know they'll say that they'll serve a long time,but will only serve a short amount of time) Spread the word!

  4. Hahaha! I love it. I'm not sure what I said, but I wish I was more supportive. I think I might have suggested a ruse at some point to get him over to "fix" your problem. A small IT "fire" brings the IT "fireman" around - hose and all.

    Speaking of which... I just finished a two part series interviewing Alvin Tan. He needs to do some scenes with a hot black actress!

    1. And ask away ladies.... Speaking personally, I'm not shy but our social climate makes me this way sometimes.

    2. I'm not sure what I said, but I wish I was more supportive.

      Look man...you were supportive and informative, but I have a bit of a "hood filter" so I tend to hear stuff a bit differently from other folks.

      A small IT "fire" brings the IT "fireman" around - hose and all.

      How long have you been sitting on that one?

  5. Thank you for making me smile, it was funny and really cool.
    I also think that marriage doesn't sound that great *for me*. I guess that not excluding the idea of marriage is a good thing as I'll be broadening my options and get to know a nice catch eventually. Marriage doesn't have to be the ultimate goal. Like Lor said, you'll know if it's meant to be.

    You're lucky, at my current workplace, there are fewer men, and even fewer celibate ones, and no hotties, no Asians, not much diversity, so yeah.


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